I've even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi.

Man, what happened to Kato Kaelin?

it's not funny anymore, just because I'm tired of it

really I hope that, at best, dudes learn to read ads and not respond if they don't fit the requirements.

also, stop sending women penis pix pls thx.

Kevin Smith's nine part series about Jason (Jay) Mewes' heroin addiction

I used to be completely obsessed with celebrity gossip, but i got out of it around 2001 or so. And now I find that all the sources talk about Paris Hilton or the Olson twins or the cast of the fucking OC. candid recommends Drudge as a good source for older celebs' gossip. Anyone have any others?

So for some reason I was thinking of an episode of Full House where DJ met some NKOTB ripoff artist dude, Tommy Tutone or something stupid like that, anyway of course he got a crush on her. Because, that's what happens when celebrities meet real people. Right.

But it got me to thinking, because that kind of stuff obviously does happen now and again, where an actress marries her gardener, how does that work? I mean, for the non-celeb, do they then hang out with the famous friends and go to the oscar parties and shit? Or does the famous person just slum it? If the former, does the non-celeb feel all weird and anxious? Does the celeb get embarrassed about the non? Do the celeb friends mock the non behind his/her back?

So Britney's put on 20 lbs and the interweb is going nuts. Either "OMFG SHE IS A TUB OF LARD NOW" or "OMFG I WISH I WERE THAT THIN." My take on it is that if I gained 20 lbs I'd freak out, but if I lost 20 lbs I'd freak out too. She doesn't seem to give a fuck.

Meanwhile the Jackson trial is filling me with gleeful schadenfreude. Not because I hate MJ or anything, but his years and years of weirdness and eccentricity* are finally being called out as a cover for pedophilia, and it's just gloriously trashy. It's the cream of the gossip. I used to actually be very very into celebrity gossip, before I had a life, and it's really much better than the real thing, because a) everyone knows who you're talking about and b) nothing you say will ever get back to them. I suppose I've got enough of a bourgeois upbringing to delight in the misfortunes of the very rich and very weird. I mean, I don't really care about Robert Downey Jr's drug habits, and Marlon Brando's wifebeating was fairly dull, but this just thrills me.

*link will be up later today

[Poll #431234]

(inspired by Diesel Sweeties)

wanton_bliss: Richard Gere

Richard Gere is the creepiest man in Hollywood. No, wait, that's James Wood. But at least no one thinks of Wood as a "sex symbol." Richard Gere has these tiny little beady eyes that just make me shudder in my soul, and have ever since that damn Pretty Woman movie came out. Which is what started my generation loving him? What the fuck is that, he's a rich asshole who pays a woman to fuck him until he decides he can't live without her cunt? Which takes a week, by the way. Oh man, he's so creepy I just can't stop thinking of pedophiles when I look at him. And as Pretty Woman came out when I was like twelve, I think it's understandable. I never got why a pointy chin and nose and pedophile eyes were considered "sexy."

perich: Gamers

I already wrote a screed on video games, but in general I hate games of all and every kind. Games are what you do when you're a kid and don't have cable or friends and have read every book in the house at least twenty times. There's just something about, say, card games, that makes my brain do this thing where it shuts off in the most painful manner possible and stutters every so often to remind me that it's shut off because it can't take the fucking inanity of the card game. Obviously people who play card games only do it for money. Or when they're so painfully drunk they can't do anything else.

RPGs on the other hand just make me think that someone is gathering a bunch of emotionally-stunted guys together to run a campaign together, instead of privately staying at home alone and writing an actually interesting fantasy/SF story/novel. Break out of the constraints, man. And get some new friends. Even if you have a well-rounded social life, you're associating with people whose mental concepts never leave Dagobah. If not literally than figuratively. Besides, in the echelons of polite society you can't really talk about how you play games for hours and hours.

sinfonie: Office Culture

An oxymoron if there ever was one. Work and play are supposed to be two different things. If the people at work are nice and friendly, well, we can chat occasionally, but in general what's the point. You have to pretend to like each other and pretend to be interested in your coworkers snot-nosed little brats, when really all you're thinking about is how long till you can get drunk again. I am working the same job as you for reasons you can't even imagine, so buzz off, bitch.

drownedinink: Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson used to not arouse any feelings of ire in me till I found out he was another one of the few, the proud, the Hollywood Right. He has 15 kids? What the fuck? Doesn't he know he's a heartthrob? I guess he doesn't CARE anymore. So then he produced the bloodiest zombie movie ever, and FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE RAISING FROM THE DEAD. I mean what the fuck is that? If you're going to believe in a make-believe man in the sky, at least try to make him appealing to the youngsters. Christ.

verybadlady: Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding

There are good things and bad things about both. Formula feeding of course contains flouride, which everyone knows is a mind control agent. Besides kids who don't get breastfed develop unnatural booby fixations in later life. But then again, the problem with breastfeeding (unless you get one of those fancy pumps) is you can't do it in public without some jackass jumping down your throat. I mean let's face it, a boob with a baby attached to it, as "natural" as it may sound, is just not as attractive as an exposed boob with no baby attached to it.

OH MY GOD, fuckin' Warren Ellis reads Bara.