I've even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi.

I finished The Introvert Advantage today, which is one of those self-help books that tells you that you are cool just the way you are. And here's how to cope with the big bad world. Well, anyway, a lot of it was clearly for people who have more problems with their introversion than I do. The most interesting part was the basic brain differences they'd observed, and those are probably more accurate for more serious introverts. But I definitely do tend to shut off stressful situations. The book compared it to coming across a coyote vs. coming across a rattlesnake. For the first situation, charging at the coyote would drive him away, but for the second, standing stark still would be optimal.

However the book did give several good strategies for keeping your friends/dates happy even when you have no desire for human contact, so I would recommend it if you have problems in that arena. Or in any arena that requires you to interact with people, there are several tips on how to "keep the batteries charged." Also a great chapter on the introvert child. I am far more extroverted now than I was as a youth, and so much of that chapter was like reading my biography.

[Poll #777883]

The habits and needs of a little-understood group

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?

If so, do you tell this person [she] is "too serious," or ask if [she] is okay? Regard [her] as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw [her] out?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands — and that you aren't caring for [her] properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
[...]
Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so... With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private" — narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. [emph added] In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support [her] and respect [her] choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either.

It's amazing how you can live somewhere for nearly a year, and in that time meet only one new person. I guess it's good that I know how to entertain myself, but at the same time I kind of miss having a life. And then when I think of having a life, the prospect scares me.

I emailed a fanfic writer whose work I love (who happens to live around here) twice, and she blew me off both times. Is it because I came across as a scary stalker? Possibly. Is it because she's just even more antisocial than I am? More likely. I don't mind meeting people as long as I know that we have something in common. And I can always talk to people about movies or The Simpsons if they're under 40.

Part of it is also that I'm satisfied a lot by my friends, even if we can only see each other a few times a year and talk over email. That's key, talking a lot. Otherwise, it's very easy to get into a spot where you only talk a few times a year, which sucks.

I have a few people from high school that are in that position with me, and I guess there's nothing I can really do about it. The friendship has been delegated to a lesser position, which I suppose is what normal people do. Hell, I did it with someone too. You grow up and become interested in different things, right? Or you don't grow up and are interested in the same things. I'm sure if my friends from college started getting married and having kids, it would be hard for me to continue the friendship.

I've never really been able to make friends, either. The other person almost always made the overtures, and then I'd reciprocate. Eventually the other person (not being a freak like me) makes other friends, whom I then latch onto. Not latch, so much. I mean you wanna be friends with your friend's friends, right? If you like one, you should like the other. But that's the only way I've ever been able to make friends.

Everyone else says you meet people at work. So now I have the new job, and my coworkers seem marginally cooler than my last set of coworkers. That's mainly because the area is cooler - of course Raleigh is going to attract people who want to settle down, and this area attracts people who want to act up. But the office is even smaller, and the people are older. I can't tell, either, if any of them do associate on a social level, but then I haven't been there that long.