Caring For Your Introvert
May. 3rd, 2005 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lauralhThe habits and needs of a little-understood group
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person [she] is "too serious," or ask if [she] is okay? Regard [her] as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw [her] out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands — and that you aren't caring for [her] properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
[...]
Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so... With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private" — narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. [emph added] In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support [her] and respect [her] choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.
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Date: 2005-05-04 03:59 am (UTC)As an introvert myself, I would however like to state that, speaking for myself at least, "silent backrub" is always an acceptable response to "oh wow, look how lost in thought he is."
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Date: 2005-05-04 01:45 pm (UTC)I'll probably export this to my journal today.
In a Monty Python style
Date: 2005-05-05 05:17 am (UTC)