what really?

[lauralh]

Reg likes to tease me about how much I identify with Sherlock Holmes. There's a few reasons for that.

I've had good friends get creeped out when I've reminded them of specific words they said on a specific date, so don't ask how frightened bloggers can get when you tell them that three years ago you stayed up late and read their entire archive, then quote lines they wrote back to them. (And then, there's being on the other side, knowing you had a whole thread with the other person a few years ago, and they have absolutely no memory of it at all. Because with normal people, internet things don't click for them as real.)

Half the male friends I have are more "emotionally intelligent" than I am, and the other half are so "non-neurotypical" that they seem like aliens to me. The latter make me look/feel "normal" by comparison, and my emotional intelligence isn't really that poor, it's just not quite as immediately accessible as the rest of my brain. Apparently it's a lot more obvious to these high EQ men than to me, although since I am fairly high-functional and cry when I get my period, they just joke that I'm a sociopath. (One of those "ha ha, only serious" things.)

Also, there's like moments on the show where Sherlock appears to read perfect strangers far more accurately than his "inner circle" and boy can I relate to that. (Not that I can't read my friends, it's just that the processing circuit tends to be powered down around friends vs. strangers. This is why some introverts like this one get really tired and anxious at parties where they don't know anyone, and then contrariwise feel quite happy and empowered at small gatherings where they know everyone well. This is also partly why I like concerts better than say house parties. When there's no actual expectation of social interaction, it's not very draining.)

Comments

[warrend.livejournal.com]

Totally. I didn't figure out until just a few years ago that I was blowing out my "processing circuit" when in those situations.

It never made sense to me, since I like talking to people and I have no problem making conversation with strangers (random people on the street, for example). So why should the balance of people I already know vs people I don't know in a room matter? But it does somehow. My brain just stops being able to process if the balance of the room is off, like my linguistic center was broken. And it used to really freak me out and make the whole thing way worse.

Now that I kinda figured that out, I just try my best to be like "yep, that's happening" and then push past it. Either by turning it off or just being ok with the fallout from it. Doesn't work 100% of the time, since it will always be there as an introverted/anxious person.

[xaotica.livejournal.com]

it's interesting to read about this because i'm totally the opposite.

it's hard for me to care as much about the opinion of people i don't know. situations where i'm interacting with total strangers (interviews, large social events, conferences, etc.) sometimes cause anxiety beforehand, but as soon as i'm in the situation, i generally feel comfortable. if i don't know them, i have no way of knowing whether i would view them as worth impressing... i don't assume that random people all suck, but i don't assume that they are awesome either.

conversely, the more i start to like someone, the more anxious i become. if i've decided that i think they're intelligent, interesting, or have some other worthwhile quality, now i suddenly feel pressure to try to do something cool for them and anxiety about their possible expectations.

it's usually pretty relaxing for me to be in places where i don't know anyone, or am meeting a bunch of people for the first time... i think that's part of the reason i like to travel so much, and liked to throw large parties with a bunch of people that i only sort of knew.

[warrend.livejournal.com]

It's not really about the opinion of people I don't know, I feel the same way you regarding wanting to impress people I care about more than strangers.

It's more of just a brain malfunction. Some part of my processing goes in to overload when I'm in the middle of a room full of people I don't know, like it's trying to "read" everyone all at once the entire time and I can't turn it off. I'm really good at reading individual body language, so I wonder if it's tied to that?

It kinda feels like if you tried to listen in to 100 different conversations at once. You could do it for a while, but eventually your brain starts to shut down. Or, you pull it off but when you get home you are completely mentally exhausted for a few days afterwards.

Weirdly, I have absolutely zero problem with stuff like public speaking or getting up in front of hundreds of people to play music. I think that part of my brain is turned off in those scenarios. I also really love talking to strangers and have no problems with new people, it's just the "big party" type scenarios that mess me up.

It's kinda neat thinking about what it would be like to not have that limitation, and I totally get why a part full of new people would be a ton of fun.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

The other thing I sometimes do at parties is corner one cool person and talk to no one else all night if I can get away with it. But this is rare, and we're both "grokking" each other is how it feels, so it's energizing rather than draining.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

like Danny said, it has nothing to do really with what people think of you, it's just the whole interfacing thing in general that's difficult.