folly

[lauralh]

I found this to be pretty interesting, which is to say, often true:

Top Five Frustrations Women Express about Men They've Begun to Date:

1. Men think that the early stage of a relationship (the point at which routine sex can be gotten with the lowest possible commitment of time, resources, and personal energy) is a fine place for the relationship to remain indefinitely.

2. A man tends to overestimate his importance to a woman at the moment when she asks him "to talk about where the relationship is going." Men often assume that the woman has fallen in love with him when in fact she might only want some information.

3. Men overrate the value of their affection--regardless of its quality or consistency. That is, men always assume that a fraction of their attention is better than none at all.

4. Men's tendency toward outsized conceit (see #2 and #3) combined with the inability to articulate their intentions reveals them to be the most reprehensible of cowards. Shouldn't that grand self-conception carry with it some responsibility for treating the relationship with candor, clarity, and honor?

5. Men often ride along in relationships with one hand on the door handle. This fearfulness of momentum leads them to perform all manner of foolishness, including dangerous stuntman-like dives out of high-speed romances as well as more comical leaps out of relationships that have yet to leave the driveway.

Comments

[cynica.livejournal.com]

2. A man tends to overestimate his importance to a woman at the moment when she asks him "to talk about where the relationship is going." Men often assume that the woman has fallen in love with him when in fact she might only want some information.

This is so so so true. And so frustrating. Yet so true.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

It would be less frustrating if women got to the point and didn't hold back with what they are saying. If you want information, say, "Hey, I'd like to know something." AND say why. Yes, you really do need to cross a T and dot an I for a man.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

wow, it's almost as if men are like, from mars or something!

[cynica.livejournal.com]

You know.. I was dating this guy once and was happily plugging along, and he started in on "we need to define this relationship.."

Okay.

As the conversation deepened and he was pushing for me to fall into the specific girlfriend he wanted me to be, he started saying that I was trying to corner him. I had no idea how to rationalize that. Everything was a-okay as far as I was concerned, he pushes me to define, and then says I'm cornering him. ???

I just don't get men. I am straight with them, they become pussies. I elude them, they get all macho to save face. I can't stay afloat.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

Men want women to stay the same as they were when they met.
Women want men to change.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

everyone puts on a bit of a false front till they get what they want. I think all people just want that initial fun/niceness/romantic stuff to stay.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

That's why I tell women to be themselves from the get-go. Do not lead me into believing you are somebody else.

[cynica.livejournal.com]

The last thing I do is look for someone who's not perfect for me AT THAT MOMENT in hopes that he'll later change. I can't believe women do this.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

I've dated women who tried to "fix" me according to their ideal.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

totally. for me, almost always, in the beginning he acts a certain way THEN changes and I wonder what happened to the original person.

[perich.livejournal.com]

Men's tendency toward outsized conceit (see #2 and #3) combined with the inability to articulate their intentions reveals them to be the most reprehensible of cowards. Shouldn't that grand self-conception carry with it some responsibility for treating the relationship with candor, clarity, and honor?

If anyone but the author knows what these two sentences, when read in tandem, mean, I will give them a McFlurry.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

um, what they mean? I will rephrase it:

Men are too conceited, and don't say what they want, so they are cowards. If you are conceited, and think you're the shit, why don't you treat your relationship like it is as awesome as you?

[perich.livejournal.com]

That doesn't make a whit of sense.

Doesn't conceit lead to overconfidence, rather than underconfidence (a/k/a cowardice)?

And why does conceit :: respect for relationship? Isn't it only plausible (if not admirable) that a conceited man would patronize his girlfriend? You know, he's doing her such a favor and all that?

[suxdonut.livejournal.com]

agreed! after dating indiscriminatly for a year i can say the average guy is a self loathing puddle of self serving slime. but the occasional one that steps up to the plate is pretty freakin cool.

[jette.livejournal.com]

Apparently I am a man. WHERE IS MY PENIS AND my 30 more cents an hour?!

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

Your penis is on a blanket on St. Mark's Place in NYC.

[ernunnos.livejournal.com]

I just found out yesterday that a friend of mine has a wife who won't 'let' him go see R-rated movies. I met another guy whose wife wouldn't 'let' him play violent video games. And still more whose wives are so clingy that they haven't been out for a beer with friends in over a year.

I realize these are extreme examples, but they exist, guys know it, and they don't want to end up being one of them.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

that always cracks me up. why would you want to be with someone who controlled you so much? and on the other side, who wants to be with someone who obeys your every whim and has no free will?

[altamira16.livejournal.com]

A boyfriend of mine uses the "my girlfriend won't let me" excuse to get out of stuff he doesn't really want to do.

[velvet.livejournal.com]

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

bitch, you did everything right. :) :) :)

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Great. This is what I'm going to look forward to?

No wonder I went spontaneous hookup first, dating later, approach-wise. Maybe I should stick with that after all.

Isn't that generally how you and Reg got together?

Of course, this means... Socializing and crap. Ghaa. Since I live in a big Marine town, that necessitates driving. Yeesh.

That's why I'm not getting the sex I want.

We met at karaoke...

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I flirted with Reg till he followed me home, and our post-coital chat led me to believe I might want something more to do with him. He was a little more serious than that, though, and within three weeks we were exclusive.

[mindme.livejournal.com]

Men are usually the idiots in relationships but off the top of my head these are the five mistakes women make in relationships:

1. Women make the relationship the focus of their life and define themselves by it. They don't realize men view a relationship as a pillar in their life. When men think they have a relationship working well, they will turn their focus to another part of their life that is heading south like their career.

2. Women become utterly helpless when they fall in love. At the start of a relationship, women hold all the cards. The man has to bend over backwards to win her heart. Once he wins her heart, she slips into the victim role.

3. Women don't understand that men are black and white thinkers. X does not imply Y. Forgetting something on your grocery list does not imply we're not into the relationship or we'll be a bad father or when the going gets tough we'll run to Vancouver. I just forgot to buy a can of peas. It ends there for us.

4. Women try to apply their thinking to male thinking. Again, men are very black and white. They don't consider shades of grey. If he doesn't do something, it's probably because he has a concrete reason. It isn't a subtle message about the relationship.

5. An author has built a small cottage industry on this simple concept but I've been saying it for years: Women don't realize a man might not be into you that much. He wants ego support and regular sex and you're offering it. To him it's better than nothing. But if a man was really into you, he would do all the little romantic things women typically like. He'd remember your birthday, for example. He'd buy you a cute stuffed animal when he went away some place exotic for a business conference. Too many women then expend large amounts of energy trying to unlock some magical combination that will make him more into you, but it won't work. This again comes back to male black and white thinking. Either you're the all being to him or you're a wet, available hole. I try to frame it like this "Imagine one of those porno actresses he slobbers over showed up in his life and asked him to get him something at the grocery store. You can darn well bet he'd click off the Sony PlayStation and get right on it. If he's not doing that for you, he just isn't that into you."

[astralbeats.livejournal.com]

SPOT ON with the last point. At the end of the day. most men are really cheap and women watch too much romantic movies.

i'll rather be a man though than a woman with all that emotions. blah