folly

[lauralh]

I found this to be pretty interesting, which is to say, often true:

Top Five Frustrations Women Express about Men They've Begun to Date:

1. Men think that the early stage of a relationship (the point at which routine sex can be gotten with the lowest possible commitment of time, resources, and personal energy) is a fine place for the relationship to remain indefinitely.

2. A man tends to overestimate his importance to a woman at the moment when she asks him "to talk about where the relationship is going." Men often assume that the woman has fallen in love with him when in fact she might only want some information.

3. Men overrate the value of their affection--regardless of its quality or consistency. That is, men always assume that a fraction of their attention is better than none at all.

4. Men's tendency toward outsized conceit (see #2 and #3) combined with the inability to articulate their intentions reveals them to be the most reprehensible of cowards. Shouldn't that grand self-conception carry with it some responsibility for treating the relationship with candor, clarity, and honor?

5. Men often ride along in relationships with one hand on the door handle. This fearfulness of momentum leads them to perform all manner of foolishness, including dangerous stuntman-like dives out of high-speed romances as well as more comical leaps out of relationships that have yet to leave the driveway.

Comments

[cynica.livejournal.com]

2. A man tends to overestimate his importance to a woman at the moment when she asks him "to talk about where the relationship is going." Men often assume that the woman has fallen in love with him when in fact she might only want some information.

This is so so so true. And so frustrating. Yet so true.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

It would be less frustrating if women got to the point and didn't hold back with what they are saying. If you want information, say, "Hey, I'd like to know something." AND say why. Yes, you really do need to cross a T and dot an I for a man.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

Men want women to stay the same as they were when they met.
Women want men to change.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

wow, it's almost as if men are like, from mars or something!

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

We are, until we date women from Mars (and I should know).

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

everyone puts on a bit of a false front till they get what they want. I think all people just want that initial fun/niceness/romantic stuff to stay.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

That's why I tell women to be themselves from the get-go. Do not lead me into believing you are somebody else.

[cynica.livejournal.com]

You know.. I was dating this guy once and was happily plugging along, and he started in on "we need to define this relationship.."

Okay.

As the conversation deepened and he was pushing for me to fall into the specific girlfriend he wanted me to be, he started saying that I was trying to corner him. I had no idea how to rationalize that. Everything was a-okay as far as I was concerned, he pushes me to define, and then says I'm cornering him. ???

I just don't get men. I am straight with them, they become pussies. I elude them, they get all macho to save face. I can't stay afloat.

[perich.livejournal.com]

Men's tendency toward outsized conceit (see #2 and #3) combined with the inability to articulate their intentions reveals them to be the most reprehensible of cowards. Shouldn't that grand self-conception carry with it some responsibility for treating the relationship with candor, clarity, and honor?

If anyone but the author knows what these two sentences, when read in tandem, mean, I will give them a McFlurry.

[suxdonut.livejournal.com]

agreed! after dating indiscriminatly for a year i can say the average guy is a self loathing puddle of self serving slime. but the occasional one that steps up to the plate is pretty freakin cool.

[jette.livejournal.com]

Apparently I am a man. WHERE IS MY PENIS AND my 30 more cents an hour?!

[ernunnos.livejournal.com]

I just found out yesterday that a friend of mine has a wife who won't 'let' him go see R-rated movies. I met another guy whose wife wouldn't 'let' him play violent video games. And still more whose wives are so clingy that they haven't been out for a beer with friends in over a year.

I realize these are extreme examples, but they exist, guys know it, and they don't want to end up being one of them.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

that always cracks me up. why would you want to be with someone who controlled you so much? and on the other side, who wants to be with someone who obeys your every whim and has no free will?

[velvet.livejournal.com]

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

um, what they mean? I will rephrase it:

Men are too conceited, and don't say what they want, so they are cowards. If you are conceited, and think you're the shit, why don't you treat your relationship like it is as awesome as you?

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

bitch, you did everything right. :) :) :)

[cynica.livejournal.com]

The last thing I do is look for someone who's not perfect for me AT THAT MOMENT in hopes that he'll later change. I can't believe women do this.

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

I've dated women who tried to "fix" me according to their ideal.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

totally. for me, almost always, in the beginning he acts a certain way THEN changes and I wonder what happened to the original person.

[altamira16.livejournal.com]

I think there is a courtesy in the beginning that wears away. Just because there is some courtesy doesn't mean they are being fake.

[perich.livejournal.com]

That doesn't make a whit of sense.

Doesn't conceit lead to overconfidence, rather than underconfidence (a/k/a cowardice)?

And why does conceit :: respect for relationship? Isn't it only plausible (if not admirable) that a conceited man would patronize his girlfriend? You know, he's doing her such a favor and all that?

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

Courtesy is one thing. Sucking up to all of my tastes just to win my heart is another.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

(most) Men have a weird dichotomy in which they believe they are "the shit" but yet have low self-esteem. false bravado.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

WORD

[skipbreakfast.livejournal.com]

"I just don't get men. I am straight with them, they become pussies. I elude them, they get all macho to save face. I can't stay afloat."

I confess to reacting both ways, and am making efforts to not do either anymore.