I cant say i really know anyone who would wait 3 months to determine someones intentions before having sex with them. people who are still playing games and waiting that long for sex obviously are not having the right kind of sex, or they would not be waiting. or they have some kind of ulterior motive, and want to find someone they can fuck with and manipulate easily.
I think I want to be fixed once I've popped this boy out.
I also think that I could date someone and not have sex with them for a extended period of time. Especially if I was preggers because I have NO desire to touch a penis and haven't for at least a month.
I felt that sex complicated things. And it probably did, although that was largely a factor of emotional maturity on my part. At the same time, your comment above regarding this being a strategy for marriage may also have applied: at that point, I not only agreed with the concept but valued the idea of a lifelong relationship and was much more long-term focused. Holding off on sex helped ensure that we were both looking to build a solid relationship instead of bandaging it with the temporary motivation of sex.
That said, my motives likely weren't that different than the admitted or underlying psychological interests of the person who posted about this on the thread, which only furthers the idea that this is a conflict between two "types" of people or subcultures rather than being divided amongst the sexes.
Of course, all of this makes my stomach turn right now and even admitting to these purported motives makes me a bit ill. Where I used to be a purist I'm not far more of a hedonist; I think it's a difference of living in the future vs. living in the now.
heh. I never really understood the point of "waiting." I mean, if someone was just in it for the sex, I wanted to figure it out right away.
and in fact, i dated* a guy once, with no sex, for two months, and we got along great, but once we started having sex it got really weird and we had to stop seeing each other.
I used to have this idea that that's just what people did. meet, go on a few dates, then have sex after a bit (couple of weeks? a month?). and thats not far from the truth, really, but at one point a new person I was dating said basically "if two people like each other and want to fuck, what's the hold-up?" and I realized there really wasn't one. that you dont really need any rules like 90 days or the 4th date or whatever. just feel it out as it were.
yeah that irony wasn't wasted on me. setting traps and playing tricks in hopes that the "right" guy will know to avoid them is setting yourself up for failure.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 09:07 pm (UTC)I think a better rant would be if you can't figure out your own body and mind, "get sterilized".
no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 10:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:32 pm (UTC)I also think that I could date someone and not have sex with them for a extended period of time. Especially if I was preggers because I have NO desire to touch a penis and haven't for at least a month.
Not to quote Cat Stevens...
Date: 2005-03-04 11:35 pm (UTC)Guys totally expect sex by the fifth date or so. If not, they move on. I mean, even fifth date is pushing it for some guys. Most need it by the third.
Re: Not to quote Cat Stevens...
Date: 2005-03-04 11:48 pm (UTC)Re: Not to quote Cat Stevens...
Date: 2005-03-05 12:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:07 am (UTC)That said, my motives likely weren't that different than the admitted or underlying psychological interests of the person who posted about this on the thread, which only furthers the idea that this is a conflict between two "types" of people or subcultures rather than being divided amongst the sexes.
Of course, all of this makes my stomach turn right now and even admitting to these purported motives makes me a bit ill. Where I used to be a purist I'm not far more of a hedonist; I think it's a difference of living in the future vs. living in the now.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:14 am (UTC)and in fact, i dated* a guy once, with no sex, for two months, and we got along great, but once we started having sex it got really weird and we had to stop seeing each other.
*i mean, hung out alone a lot.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-06 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 02:03 am (UTC)hell, it has happened to me to more than 10 boyfriends....
no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 02:18 am (UTC)