I felt that sex complicated things. And it probably did, although that was largely a factor of emotional maturity on my part. At the same time, your comment above regarding this being a strategy for marriage may also have applied: at that point, I not only agreed with the concept but valued the idea of a lifelong relationship and was much more long-term focused. Holding off on sex helped ensure that we were both looking to build a solid relationship instead of bandaging it with the temporary motivation of sex.
That said, my motives likely weren't that different than the admitted or underlying psychological interests of the person who posted about this on the thread, which only furthers the idea that this is a conflict between two "types" of people or subcultures rather than being divided amongst the sexes.
Of course, all of this makes my stomach turn right now and even admitting to these purported motives makes me a bit ill. Where I used to be a purist I'm not far more of a hedonist; I think it's a difference of living in the future vs. living in the now.
heh. I never really understood the point of "waiting." I mean, if someone was just in it for the sex, I wanted to figure it out right away.
and in fact, i dated* a guy once, with no sex, for two months, and we got along great, but once we started having sex it got really weird and we had to stop seeing each other.
I used to have this idea that that's just what people did. meet, go on a few dates, then have sex after a bit (couple of weeks? a month?). and thats not far from the truth, really, but at one point a new person I was dating said basically "if two people like each other and want to fuck, what's the hold-up?" and I realized there really wasn't one. that you dont really need any rules like 90 days or the 4th date or whatever. just feel it out as it were.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:07 am (UTC)That said, my motives likely weren't that different than the admitted or underlying psychological interests of the person who posted about this on the thread, which only furthers the idea that this is a conflict between two "types" of people or subcultures rather than being divided amongst the sexes.
Of course, all of this makes my stomach turn right now and even admitting to these purported motives makes me a bit ill. Where I used to be a purist I'm not far more of a hedonist; I think it's a difference of living in the future vs. living in the now.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:14 am (UTC)and in fact, i dated* a guy once, with no sex, for two months, and we got along great, but once we started having sex it got really weird and we had to stop seeing each other.
*i mean, hung out alone a lot.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-05 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-06 06:51 pm (UTC)