mwahoil

[lauralh]

So I read some of the "how to get women to like you" sites out there, because it really truly puzzles me how otherwise interesting and handsome men can have such bad luck with the girls. I basically used to assume that these guys liked the girls who didn't like them, because they never liked me. Fuckin' "nice guys." But then again there's also the "most women are insane" theory, and anecdotal evidence seems to bear this out to the point that I'm "scared straight" in the most literal way possible. And reading these sites on how to pick up women - I mean, I can see how it could work on most women, but it terrifies me to the core that I'm gonna meet an otherwise great guy and he'll start pulling this kind of bullshit on me, and I'll be so frustrated that I'll never want to talk to him again.

--

Five days till birfday; party tomorrow. I decided to wear my black clingy dress to make it a sense of occasion. I hope I don't look too fat in it.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

My name is Matt, and I'm just some random dude who followed a trail of people's friends lists here. It's my weird way of seeking out intelligent life. If my entire identity is that important, you may e-mail me at colonel_rhombus@hotmail.com and I'll give it all to you. You're right, I don't know shit about you, and I suppose it isn't fair of me to form a perception of you on a journal post without knowing more about you. I concede that and I'm sorry. I can tell you're a reasonable and intelligent person, and I want to be your friend. Please do not take my comments the wrong way, I don't mean to offend, only to offer a viewpoint from the other side. You don't have to listen to anything I'm saying, I will completely understand if you choose not to and delete this message-- I won't read your journal again.

>> it terrifies me to the core that I'm gonna meet an otherwise great guy and he'll start pulling this kind of bullshit on me, and I'll be so frustrated that I'll never want to talk to him again. <<
>> The main "bullshit" thing I don't like is when guys are told "don't appear interested." <<

There are two things I see here within how you say these things that contradict each other:

1) You seem to clearly know what it is you want, what you don't want, what you will put up with, and what you don't.
2) You're not as straight-forward and honest with people about what you want/expect and who you are from the very moment you meet them.

The real problem here is really with how relationships tend to start. Neither person really is honest and straight-forward with new people they meet from the start. In a lot of cases, people just don't really know what they want. But for the people that do know what they want, situations like the ones you talk about shouldn't happen. Very few relationships start with honesty and openness, they usually start with people attempting to make themselves appear appealing to the other person, no matter what parts of their personalities they have to hide at first. That's why so many relationships end in "this person totally wasn't who they appeared to be in the beginning". This is true of people regardless of gender, but it appears to be a male problem simply because we're expected to be the initiators, we're the ones expected to do the impressing not the judging.

>> I'm not saying I can't play the game at all, I'm just not all that into it. I don't even like flirting with people unless I know where it's going to go. <<

I gave the suggestion that possibly you should be more active in your pursuit. If you want to know where it's going to go, why not just ask the question explicitly? If you know where you want it to go, why not just say so explicitly? If you have a low threshold for bullshit, tell them. If you don't want guys turning out to be different than they appeared when you first met them, just tell them what it is you expect from the start. Make it known that you're a person who knows what they want, and that you're an honest and straight-forward person. At least with me, it doesn't matter who it is, I consider a person trustworthy if they're honest and straight-forward. The more a woman is unclear and abstract about what qualities she looks for in a man and what she wants out of a relationship, the more guys will fail trying to guess what the woman wants. Many times they'll fail in a horribly stupid manner, but if you don't do your own part to improve the communication right from when you first meet then you're only helping to perpetuate the problem.

Quite simply, if you don't like the way the game flows, change the rules.

-- Matt

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I haven't really been trying this, because the thing is, at the moment I don't want a serious relationship. I realize that there are few men that can take honesty and straightforwardness (and I'm not trying to impugn men here, there's few women too, I just don't have to deal with them). I just want flings at the moment, and therefore very little matters apart from a few key factors.