oh boy

[lauralh]

"Humorist" writes about 2-year-old getting kicked out of preschool. HILARITY ENSUES.

edit: more hilarity! although, not quite as funny.

Comments

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

It's not that they put him in daycare to begin with, it's that their child was on a near-daily basis inflicting bleeding bite wounds on other people's children, and his reaction is - multiple choice -

a) relief at not being sued by the other children's parents
b) remorse at the injuries caused to other children
c) relief at other children's parents not showing up at his house
d) concern that he and his wife might not be addressing their child's needs
e) concern that his summer will be a "living hell" because he and his wife, both of whom work at home, will actually have to divvy up time spent with their child

I mean, good god. I'm frankly astonished that anybody as articulate as this guy obviously is can actually WRITE that article, presumably read it over before submitting it, and not make the connection between "I think of my child as a liability and a burden, if a cute one, to be avoided as much as possible" and "my child has serious dominance and anger issues."

[jette.livejournal.com]

Hello I A W T C

omg, I'm losing my 1337ness!

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I actually had to google that acronym. D'oh!

Re: omg, I'm losing my 1337ness!

[jette.livejournal.com]

I'm losing my edge to the kids whose footsteps I hear on the decks every night
I'm losing my edge
to the internet seekers

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was really surprised myself that the other parents let the biting continue so long and/or that the school didn't get scared earlier about it. That seems like a huge liability when you already KNOW the child will bite!

I agree that in parts of the article it seemed that he was lamenting the fact that he'd actually have to spend time with his child. But I read the article a bit differently:

My husband works from home and I have been a student for most of my son's life. I think people don't understand that if you work from home you still actually do need to work. Yes, technically you're there with your child. But in fact you need to get stuff done. Also, it's not at all surprising to me that the wife would have started to go crazy doing 24-7 child care. That's not "considering your child a burden" it's "omg spending my entire life with a 2-year-old is driving me up a tree." Most people feel this way!

I think we need to be careful in "condemning" people for wanting some time away from their child. I love my son, and I certainly don't want to "Avoid him as much as possible." But yes, I too actually do sometimes want time for myself, :o! Alert CPS!

"I think of my child as a liability and a burden, if a cute one, to be avoided as much as possible" and "my child has serious dominance and anger issues."

Behavioral problems can happen with any child. I got kicked out of one preschool myself for being difficult (not biting, but still). My sister and brother on the other hand were very easy children. Same parents, different kids.

As far as my "behavioral problems" go, I grew out of them, like most kids do. In fact part of the problem was simply that the school I was in was not right for me, which can also happen because kids aren't all the same. For the rest of my life I have been a straight-A student (including law school), never suspended, let alone expelled. As for biting - my cousin bit a lot when he was two. He's a perfectly normal guy now.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I think people don't understand that if you work from home you still actually do need to work.

Given that I've been running a business from home for the last 3 years, I'm pretty up to snuff on what that takes.

Also, it's not at all surprising to me that the wife would have started to go crazy doing 24-7 child care. That's not "considering your child a burden" it's "omg spending my entire life with a 2-year-old is driving me up a tree." Most people feel this way!

Sure... but the wife shouldn't have BEEN the only one doing the child care. They BOTH work out of the home. When switching from "work mode" to "parent mode" is as easy as walking your ass out of one room and into another and saying "okay, honey, I've got it for a while - your turn to get stuff done," there isn't much excuse for *not* doing it.

Behavioral problems can happen with any child. I got kicked out of one preschool myself for being difficult (not biting, but still). My sister and brother on the other hand were very easy children. Same parents, different kids.

There are "behavioral problems", and there are "behavioral PROBLEMS." I've known quite a few disturbed children - for that matter I've been one - and yanno, maybe I've lived a sheltered life but... I have yet to encounter a really seriously violent child who didn't have significant problems at home. On the other hand, I have yet to encounter kids who had active, reasonable, non-abusive parents who didn't basically do okay.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

Given that I've been running a business from home for the last 3 years, I'm pretty up to snuff on what that takes.
You've done this while also trying to watch a young child? ...because if you haven't, you don't really know what it takes. Believe me.


When switching from "work mode" to "parent mode" is as easy as walking your ass out of one room and into another and saying "okay, honey, I've got it for a while - your turn to get stuff done," there isn't much excuse for *not* doing it.

You think it's that easy? *laughs*

Also, what about the fact that even in the fantasyland you describe, this means that in every 8 hour period, each spouse will only be able to work for a max of 4 hours?

but the wife shouldn't have BEEN the only one doing the child care. They BOTH work out of the home.
I think you must have misread that article - she wasn't working from home when she was doing 24/7 care. She was full-time homemaker at that point.

I have yet to encounter a really seriously violent child who didn't have significant problems at home.
No offense, but I'd need more than your personal experience (quite likely filtered through your personal belief system) to accept a conclusion like that.

Also, it seems weird to label a 2-year-old "seriously violent." A 2-year-old is pretty unformed as yet. Most grow out of violent tendencies.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

You've done this while also trying to watch a young child? ...because if you haven't, you don't really know what it takes. Believe me.

I've been one of the primary caregivers for a pair of toddlers. I'm aware of what THAT takes as well, although it was actually the "working from home requiring your actual attention" bit I was specifically addressing.

You think it's that easy? *laughs*

Yes, I do. Do note that I said switching from work mode to parent mode, not necessarily vice versa - are you telling me that you CAN'T manage to watch your own child without some sort of warmup period?

Also, what about the fact that even in the fantasyland you describe, this means that in every 8 hour period, each spouse will only be able to work for a max of 4 hours?

This gets filed under "tough shit - if you didn't have time to spend parenting, maybe you shouldn't have become a parent." Turns out there are more than 8 hours in a day, and I don't know ANY parents who can get all the parenting and all the work done in an 8 hour period. So what's your point?

No offense, but I'd need more than your personal experience (quite likely filtered through your personal belief system) to accept a conclusion like that.

None taken - but has it occurred to you that the same is just as applicable to what you've been saying?

Also, it seems weird to label a 2-year-old "seriously violent." A 2-year-old is pretty unformed as yet. Most grow out of violent tendencies.

1. I said it before, I'm saying it again: biting to the point of drawing blood IS NOT NORMAL. You have to WORK at it to inflict a bloody bite wound with nothing better to work with than human dentition. That's seriously fucking vicious, not just a simple protection/dominance/attention-getting mechanism.
2. 2 year olds aren't adults, but they aren't lumps of indiscriminate clay, either. Hello, aren't you the one that's been arguing that "some kids are just different?"
3. Most do. That doesn't mean that a 2 year old's behavioral problem isn't a problem or that it will "just go away" without anybody needing to be concerned about it in the meantime.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do.
Then you're wrong. In fact when I repeated your belief to my husband we both had a good giggle over it.

I understand where you're coming from with the assumption. We thought it would be no problem too.

Do note that I said switching from work mode to parent mode, not necessarily vice versa
...which necessarily means the working person has to stop everything, get out of their groove, and start watching a kid instead. I leave you to realize what that does to a work period.

- are you telling me that you CAN'T manage to watch your own child without some sort of warmup period?
I'm saying that "switching off" makes it really hard to get any work done.

There are a lot of things that make it much more difficult than you're assuming it is to have both parents trying to both work from home and care for their child all day. Here are a few:

-sometimes, the child wants to be with the parent who needs to get work done.

-sometimes, BOTH parents need to get work done NOW. (See: my two-week finals period)

-It's hard to buckle down and get unpleasant work done when your child is around. Often you instead end up playing with your child.

-If you have a strict "switching off" schedule as proposed above, you get two-hour work periods, cutting up your work-day into small chunks which many people would find distracting and difficult.

-switching off on a flexible schedule means you have to drop everything you're working on. (my husband is a programmer; this means he has to stop in the middle of coding or debugging, losing his train of thought entirely and making it much more difficult to complete tasks)

-you often don't have peace or quiet even if the other parent is caring for the child. Sometimes they can't make the child stop screaming (this was Isaac's first 8 months or so). Etc.

-you don't have a work/home separation at all, which makes it difficult for many people to work.

-And, as my husband said when I mentioned the "schedule" idea in the first place: "so then you just need to work all day and never spend any time together as a family (or a couple)." The point being, if you need to work 8 hours in a day, "switching off" means you will have to be "switching off" working for 16 hours in the day. Most people sleep the remaining 8 hours, so you get absolutely NO time WITH your spouse.

I leave you to speculate on how healthy that is for a marriage.


if you didn't have time to spend parenting, maybe you shouldn't have become a parent."
Actually, what most parents in this situation do is opt for DAYCARE.


has it occurred to you that the same is just as applicable to what you've been saying?
Which bit?

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna shortcut the whole obsessive quote every last bit and reply line by line thing and get this done a lot more efficiently:

1. nobody said "omg you can never ever ever put your child in daycare. or get a babysitter. or anything." the problem is WAREHOUSING the kid, as in trying to avoid him or her for as much time as humanly possible.

2. get over your guilt. seriously, if you were any more defensive of your own parenting without admitting that's what you're defending, I think you'd burst a blood vessel.

that is all.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

the problem is WAREHOUSING the kid, as in trying to avoid him or her for as much time as humanly possible.

...which was clearly NOT the case here, as the parents only put him in the normal amount of daycare and had him home all evening and on weekends (like most families do). Are you disputing that? ...because it's pretty clear from the article.

They just wanted to ACTUALLY GET SOME WORK DONE during the day and were distressed because they knew they wouldn't be able to do that with him home. And as someone who's done it, I know they have a point.


2. get over your guilt.

What guilt? I'm actually very proud of my parenting. I have an awesome kid who is sweet and brilliant (and doesn't bite). Everyone loves him. And I've gotten to spend a lot of his first year with him, as has his father.

Nice try, but your psychoanalysis falls short. Just because I disagree with your doesn't mean I have OMG HUGE UNRESOLVED GUILT ISSUES.

[bitchness.livejournal.com]

The word "warehouse" was used by the author, so i think it clearly is the case here. The author said that his wife insisted that the child "wants too much from me", and that they wanted him out of the house as much as possible. You're wrong. And you're still an idiot.