My Problem with Housewives

[lauralh]

1) If a single professional woman wants her "house kept", she hires a housekeeper. If a single professional man does, he gets married.*

2) I was raised to believe that my intelligence would be quite useful in tracking the household finances and also to help my children with their homework.

3) Modern housekeeping (sans children under five) takes about four hours a day.

4) The power struggle that comes up when the man makes money and the woman doesn't is not appealing to me in any way.

5) Urban living being what it is, it's not really feasible. edit: i mean financially unless the guy is in the upper-10% bracket.

6) Accidents happen; people fall out of love, have affairs, whatever. And then you're fucked.

* observation stolen from a female lawyer

Comments

[goldfischegirl.livejournal.com]

i love you laural.

[verybadlady.livejournal.com]

eh, #3 is an overestimate. Once you have a house clean it doesn't take that long to tidy up on a regular basis. I'd say 1-2 hours.

[erik.livejournal.com]

All of these probably contribute to the fact that that idyllic 50's lifestyle is no longer the norm today. That shit was for the birds.

[alicetiara.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. It gets harder and harder for me to respect women's choice to stay home with the kids and not work; I do respect that choice, but I can't help feeling that taking yourself out of the public job market voluntarily, and becoming dependent on your husband for income, is a dangerous decision to make. It would be very different if equal numbers of men as women were choosing to stay at home and raise children; they're not, and a man who stays home while a woman works is seen as a freeloader, a slacker, and emasculated, and the presumption is that the woman will still do all the housework anyway. So as you said in number 6, what happens in ten years when hubby leaves you for a younger model, you have no job skills and two kids to support? Alimony doesn't cut it, just ask my mother.

Housework is, like so much labor performed by non-powerful groups, undervalued and underappreciated.

It's sort of a lose-lose though, since if you don't stay home with your children, you are seen as a bitch career woman who cares more about herself than her kids. I really think this dichotomy (martyr soccer mom vs. Sigourney Weaver in Working Girl cunt) is one of the biggest problems facing the middle-class American woman; it's like the Feminine Mystique all over again, and no matter how many books like "I Don't Know How She Does It" and all this crap, the same lies are perpectuated over and over again: women SHOULD be able to have children (and sacrifice everything for them) while having a very high-profile career and not depending on a man, and if they don't, they are lazy and selfish. No matter that we have no social services (child care being the most egregious) that would actually facilitate that becoming a reality.

I think thi

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think the best thing to do is care for the kids till they're going to school, but BOTH SEXES should be in on that. Mom take the first year, dad take year two, etc.

[scarlett723.livejournal.com]

I have a big AMEN for that. I've made it clear to current boyfriend there will be no me staying home with the kids. As my recent bout with unemployment proves it drives me stir crazy to be home all the time. Although said boyfriend said he would freelance and stay home with the kids. I don't know that I want that, but it's nice that he's thought about it and offered.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

(btw, your comment got cut off)

I just got a pedicure. Gee, I sure am being shot down by the man.

[jette.livejournal.com]

Oh no, this lifestyle rocks. It's not like I spent more than four hours at work working anyway.

[velvet.livejournal.com]

Shut up and make my dinner

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

hahahahahhah

[velvet.livejournal.com]

I may be the housewife, but goddammit, YOU MAKE ME DINNER!

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

unlike chef boyardee, you can't cook

[ashlin519.livejournal.com]

I agree and it's totally my worst nightmare to become a housewife but I think it is a legitimate decision for those who want their kids to have a parent around fulltime. If someone has to stay home with the kids it makes more sense for it to be the women for a lot of reasons. One, the man probably is making more money anyway because stats show that males on average make a higher salary then women. Two, the wife has to take time off already for maternity leave and it's not easy to just take a year off a job and that get back into it, unless you have a "pink collar" job like nursing or teaching. Just wanted to argue the other side.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Your second point is moot, because the time someone has to take off for maternity leave is nowhere near a year. Unless she works construction, I mean.

The Hand That Cleans The Kennel Rules The World

[taylor-warchild.livejournal.com]

1) That female lawyer has her head up her ass. I'm a housewife and my dear husband/caregiver does far more housework than I do. I mainly clean up after our cats and dog if I'm not writing, and I cook and I clean when I'm not in excruciating pain and I can.

2)Contrary to popular beleif it takes vast intellect and several skills to look after finances and keep a home organized and functional.

3)Keeping the house is actually a full-time job especially with children under five and or pets. Especially when you have to stop what your doing at a moment's notice and play chase at top speed to keep a child/pet from swallowing a paperclip or safetypin. Especially when crippled by a spinal injury and osteo-arthritis.

4)In a true loving marriage there is no power struggle, especially if one is sick and can't work, and in this country my husband would have to take two full time jobs to make nearly what I make, but once you become married it's a true partnership as it was designed to be, everything including income is shared.

5)We've been urban dwellers since the beginning (going on 7 years now, and married for five and a half of those years) and neither he nor I are nowhere near the top 10% tax bracket.

6)Accidents don't happen, and men and women don't always cheat despite statistics. That what porn is for. It just simply doesn't happen when you are always in each other's company 24/7/365, devoted to each other, and have a good set of morals. Not "church morals" which are shite anyway, but behavioural ones, also being best friends first is a great asset to any marriage. In a true and loving marriage the very idea of actual sexual congress with anyone other than your wife or husband actually makes you feel really sickened no matter how sexually attractive the ho in question might be might be. Yes, people fall in and out of love with one another, it happens, but a true and real marriage weathers these storms and keeps on keepin' on. We even know French couples that have been together well over 30 years and are still madly passionately in love and lust with one another, and until very recently I thought cheating was the national pastime, it's not, hating American government is.

7) Have some tolerance, not all marriges are the same. And Housewives, as well as Househusbands deserve alot more credit and respect for who they are and what they are willing to do for each other and with each other. The only people who should have the balls (or Ovaries) to have any say about any marriage are the people involved in the marriages themselves.

Sorry to sound so cross, but I'd like to find this so-called female "lawyer" and kick her ignorant ass around the block for being such a prejudice disrespectful sad-sack...

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

by accident I meant, like, the bread-winner breaking legs or dying.

[taylor-warchild.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, like what happened to me, I got ya... and by no means is my comment a slam againts you dear, it's a slam against the female lawyer who would generalize people like that. My Gandmama always taught me to speak out when I feel the need, I guess that's what that black velvet painting of Malcolm X over my bed was all about... heh..

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

heh, i suspect she was talking about her coworkers

[taylor-warchild.livejournal.com]

You know I suspect you're quite right on there.

Re: The Hand That Cleans The Kennel Rules The World

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

I don't think that the lawyer or Laurel were being disrespectful of housewives. Laurel was just mentioning why it isn't for her.

Re: The Hand That Cleans The Kennel Rules The World

[taylor-warchild.livejournal.com]

No worries I wasn't slamming Laurel Just that female lawyer. I just was a bit taken aback and highly insulted by the attack on marriage, I totally agree that it's not for everybody, but those people it works for should not be openly criticized for their lifestyle choice.

Re: The Hand That Cleans The Kennel Rules The World

[bitchness.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way about having kids. I chose to have kids I love them, I'm a good parent. I get seriously irritated when people lump all parents into a category and call all children 'crotch-droppings' and assorted derogatory names. If you don't want to have kids, don't. But don't belittle my decision to have them either.

Re: The Hand That Cleans The Kennel Rules The World

[taylor-warchild.livejournal.com]

Right on, my husband and I can't have children in this life, we're just plain not mature enough, so props to you for being extremely brave, for being unselfish, and for having your children, and raising them up right. More intelligent people like yourself should breed. You have all my respect.
Peas.
SisterVanian

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the sandy blonde hair and track suits that are about one size too small because the women have decided to give up.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

In a good relationship many of these are not issues. E.g. Patrick has been bankrolling me for 3 years now while I've been in law school and he NEVER gives me a power struggle.

But I have many of the same fears about "housekeeping as career".

I feel that we should have more part-time work options so people can accomodate their families. Both men AND women. It sucks that we're made to choose between our families and having careers.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

yeah, and work-at-home options.

[scarlett723.livejournal.com]

This is why we need nationalized healthcare. Soooo many people *have* to have one full-time worker so that somebody is elligible for healthcare. I can think of how much easier it would be to have flexible work options if I didn't have to worry about benefits.

[tyrven.livejournal.com]

"If a single professional man does, he gets married."

Ooooooooooooh. And this whole time I've been trying to figure out why the fuck anyone would get married. Suddenly it makes a LOT of sense.

[xaotica.livejournal.com]

what about house HUSBANDS?

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

point #6 is why we have life insurance and alimony