some thoughts about girls

[lauralh]

I have a theory about gender. Well, several. Not just about gender, i mean it's all interconnected.

anyway here's the basics of it:
1) in today's society, there is no way to differentiate between nature vs. nurture, and in fact they both interact with each other as a sort of feedback loop. So a girl may have a slight tendency to be tomboyish or uberfemme, and being encouraged to do either will increase the tendencies.

2) culturally¹ speaking, the way little girls socialize is kind of wacky and, as I didn't have any female friends as a child², I don't really understand it.

3) girls who had lots of female friends as children then grow up into that standard stereotype of woman more or less. You know the kind, the kind that misogynists describe.

4) girls who didn't don't so much, but there may still be tendencies, so if they get female friends in high school of the former type, they might be pushed that "standard woman" direction. Although if they get friends like them it's not as pronounced, or nonexistent.

5) these girls also have far more male friends than female friends, if any.

so anyway these are sort of my "working rules of thumb" that i have, mostly based on anecdotal evidence but, nonetheless serving me well enough. needless to say I try to hang out with the "male-socialized" females rather than the "female-socialized" females when I can.

[1] north american culture is all I can speak for.
[2] well, I had a couple, and was mystified when they totally stopped talking to me during the school year.

Comments

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

I didn't have all that many female friends growing up, though the ones I did have were fellow non-girly-girl nerdish types, and some of them were longer-term friends. I've known gals whose friendships were split down the middle male-female, and with tomboyish tendencies, who are victimy, wedding-obsessive, and catty-gossipy-baskstabby-histrionic. It's only been in college and post-college that I have developed long-standing friendships with both women and men, as I tend to be a reclusive loner sort (and was moreso in the past).

I'd say that the development into or away from a stereotyped gender role is more in line with one's general conformity.

Those who have no strong personality traits differing from the norm will either be queen-bee social tyrants (if they do have strengths in the gender norm) or followers of varying degrees.

Girls who do differ, innately and as a result of their parents' influence, will not be as likely to be drawn into the mainstream-gender-role-forming crowd, and instead gravitate towards like non-conforming, independent, non-mold-fitting sorts.

And, if the personality of a girl is abrasive or ill-fitting with the group, despite her innate mainstream tendencies, she'll become part of the outside, though other influences (too much Sweet Valley High and watching of soaps, parents, etc.) will still nurture that propensity for the stereotype/role.

Of the two groups, the outsider one is more likely to include girls who are also friends with guys, because the clique-mentality isn't as strong.

The same goes for guys, most likely; those who conform to the mainstream roles for men tend to form their own networks of friends, while those who don't likewise tend to shy away from those networks (and are more likely to have friendships with both sexes).

Some people of both sexes seem play along with the dominant roles sometimes, throughout highschool, for instance, and then completely "change" afterwards (especially in college) -- find a realm where they can engage in the mainstream traits while also being able to exhibit non-norm tendencies or interests.

It's probably not gender specific, and I'd bet there's a combination of self-selection and external pressure (parental/familial, social) that determines the whole gender issue.

Damn. That's a fucking dissertation or some shit. *laugh*

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

heh. yeah.

[bewing.livejournal.com]

It may have been a dissertation, but I really liked it and found it very interesting! Well said!

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Thank you!