ethical dilemma

[lauralh]

OK, so let's say you're seeing A Person, but it's fairly casual in the "don't ask, don't tell" department. That is you aren't shoving it in the other person's face that you see other people, basically it's none of their business since you aren't really serious. And vice versa. So far, so good. You don't lie, but you don't say "I went to dinner with Will, then a movie, then our place."

Now, what if you want to go somewhere without The Person, because well, you're going with another person? But you suspect The Person might be showing up. Do you ask? And if they say yes, what do you do? Do you not go? Do you say you're going "with some people" and bring camouflage? Or do you just brazen it out completely?

(Anonymous comments welcome.)

[Poll #178037]

Comments

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

For example, I'm helping to run this club night on Fridays, and everyone knows it, so I don't bring dates there.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I'd need honesty on both sides, but that might or might not mean making a point of saying I might be whereever.

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

so if i hold your hand while i fuck you over its ok?

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

wtf is wrong with only dating one person at a time?



goddamn i'm old fashioned

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I kinda feel like I've done this one to death already.

Old fashioned.

[ernunnos.livejournal.com]

That was going to be my comment.

Or at least, if it really is that casual, then what's the problem with just saying, "No, I'm going out with someone else tonight"? That's casual. Having to hide it just means that one person thinks it's a casual relationship and the other doesn't, and that's just bad, bad news.

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

there's nothing *wrong* with dating one person at a time
but to not understand the appeal of dating many
well, thats just inhuman

actually, question for you:

what's the point of dating only one person, if you know its not serious and never going to go anywhere?

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

I would go with tactfully blunt-yet-kind honesty. Be open. If you're fucking the person, you owe him and you owe yourself that. Simplifies things in the long run. Speaking from experience, that is. It avoids all sorts of unpleasantness.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. Either go with "hey, I'm going to be there with someone", or don't say anything but don't get all sketchy and change your plans to try to avoid them either. Whether you bring it up or not depends on the person and your relationship with them, but definitely don't skitter around trying to hide it.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

"tacfully blunt-yet-kind honesty"? is that like the male-friendly lesbian from Chasing Amy?

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

perhaps you can ask tinkerbell to tell him for you

[endquote.livejournal.com]

Other: post the whole thing to your LJ, thereby avoiding the situation entirely.

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

ooh, spoken like a true seattlite
problem solved
next

[xamichee.livejournal.com]

god.
damn.
straight.

Talk

[pamc.livejournal.com]

"Hey, I'd like to take someone to EVENT, but I have a feeling you might want to go, and I wouldn't want to impede on your good time by showing up with someone else at my side. Would this bother you? If so, how can we work this out?"

Because it just may be that he also wants to take someone else to EVENT, and it's copacetic all around.

Re: Talk

[scooterboy1234.livejournal.com]

>Because it just may be that he also wants to take someone else to EVENT, and it's copacetic all around.

and if he didn't BEFORE... he'll certainly be looking for someone to take after you tell him.

She said "copacetic"

[sarahbliss.livejournal.com]

I'm in love.

[kaylandawn.livejournal.com]

perhaps this is a reflection of my current sluttiness, which is in the process of coming to a halt, but I say fuck all and flirt with both of them. however, that's only if they're not friends, because if they are, then it's cruel to come between them. but if they don't really know eachother, then I'd have fun and make them both jealous.

but then I'm probably just being heartless and mean.

[chris.livejournal.com]

If it is really casual with both people, no one should assume exclusivity. Having that out of the way, I think its at the least tactful not to show up with one where you know the other is going to be, however you go about it. On the other hand, a lot of obvious sneaking around never impressed anyone. Just keep it casual and courteous to both parties.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

thank you

[djpekky.livejournal.com]

I am sort of in the same department than you, because I really want at least to hang out with the other hotster I talk about in my journal, if he reciprocates my attraction... If it's a party, then I don't kiss any of them in front of the other (although sometimes I have thought of telling the hottster while not telling THE PERSON... That weird I have been nowadays)...

I guess I will just let it flow... After all, I dunno if the hotster reciprocates. I will make decisions as the circumstances come.

Peace!

Pekky

Blurg.

[wanton-bliss.livejournal.com]

I think you should just wear a jacket with "SLUT" spelled out in glitter on the back... Everything will resolve itself with less deliberation on your part.

YO MOMMA.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

believe it or not it happened to a friend. Actually a couple of friends.

[verybadlady.livejournal.com]

"don't ask, don't tell" policies are always tricky it seems. I'd say do whatever you feels honors you without compromising on your moral beliefs. If you're going to feel bad about it or weird at all, or if you detect there will be some oddness if both parties show up, fuck it. Not worth the energy. Go by yourself and have fun.

[prettykate.livejournal.com]

It's still none of his beeswax, so I would just do my own thing and avoid the situation entirely. If he's there, I'd do something else.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

that's kind of my take as well.