ethical dilemma

[lauralh]

OK, so let's say you're seeing A Person, but it's fairly casual in the "don't ask, don't tell" department. That is you aren't shoving it in the other person's face that you see other people, basically it's none of their business since you aren't really serious. And vice versa. So far, so good. You don't lie, but you don't say "I went to dinner with Will, then a movie, then our place."

Now, what if you want to go somewhere without The Person, because well, you're going with another person? But you suspect The Person might be showing up. Do you ask? And if they say yes, what do you do? Do you not go? Do you say you're going "with some people" and bring camouflage? Or do you just brazen it out completely?

(Anonymous comments welcome.)

[Poll #178037]

Comments

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

For example, I'm helping to run this club night on Fridays, and everyone knows it, so I don't bring dates there.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I'd need honesty on both sides, but that might or might not mean making a point of saying I might be whereever.

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

wtf is wrong with only dating one person at a time?



goddamn i'm old fashioned

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I kinda feel like I've done this one to death already.

[ravenword.livejournal.com]

Whore.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Oh shit I didn't think I'd see you in here! This is awkward...

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

yes, i suppose if one's too much of a pussy to handle being alone for an indeterminate amount of time between relationships then it could be a problem.

Old fashioned.

[ernunnos.livejournal.com]

That was going to be my comment.

Or at least, if it really is that casual, then what's the problem with just saying, "No, I'm going out with someone else tonight"? That's casual. Having to hide it just means that one person thinks it's a casual relationship and the other doesn't, and that's just bad, bad news.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

it's not "hiding" it, it's not rubbing it in someone's face. just because you know a relationship hasn't gotten to the level of exclusiveness, doesn't mean you might not want it to get there eventually.

Re: Old fashioned.

[stick-figure.livejournal.com]

"Having to hide it just means that one person thinks it's a casual relationship and the other doesn't, and that's just bad, bad news."

I think that about nails it.

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

I would go with tactfully blunt-yet-kind honesty. Be open. If you're fucking the person, you owe him and you owe yourself that. Simplifies things in the long run. Speaking from experience, that is. It avoids all sorts of unpleasantness.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Youth [n]: a chronic condition in which everyone who says something you don't understand or don't agree with is a pussy.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. Either go with "hey, I'm going to be there with someone", or don't say anything but don't get all sketchy and change your plans to try to avoid them either. Whether you bring it up or not depends on the person and your relationship with them, but definitely don't skitter around trying to hide it.

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

sorry. replace pussy with "frightened"

whatevas

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

dude, not like the girls you date can go a) to the bar b) in your own town.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

"tacfully blunt-yet-kind honesty"? is that like the male-friendly lesbian from Chasing Amy?

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

where's the beef?

[lemur68.livejournal.com]

quoth herbaliser: PWNED

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

is this like water water everywhere and not a drop to drink?
as much as i think jimbo's polyamourous arguements are bullshit
this one isn't much better.

why go hungry when there is food everywhere, as it were?

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

i've always liked "rubbing it" in people's faces
too much porn as a child
i blame society

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

perhaps you can ask tinkerbell to tell him for you

it's always society's fault

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

... but you know it's not "rubbing it" in people's faces that's the problem, it's the "shooting it" in their faces

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

so if i hold your hand while i fuck you over its ok?

[endquote.livejournal.com]

Other: post the whole thing to your LJ, thereby avoiding the situation entirely.

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

ooh, spoken like a true seattlite
problem solved
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