Hmph.

[lauralh]

My web site is down. Power outage, apparently. I guess that's what I get for going for cut rate prices.

So I will address my audience here. The topic is ass-smacking. Now while I think it's great that the word is getting out to our young men that smacking a girl on the ass may not be as unwelcome as the feminists have led you to think, at the same time it's still a rather delicate question. There are certain scenarios where it may be appropriate, but at the same time more often than not, it isn't. So here's a preliminary guide to the ettiquitte of ass-smacking. Of course you always want to tailor it to the girl in question, so just take this as a rough guideline and work it to the situation.

The basic rules:

1) Thou shalt not smack the ass as a way of introduction.
2) Thou shalt not smack the ass in a well-lit area.
3) Thou shalt always smack the ass if it is naked.

So, with that out of the way let's present the scenarios.

Scenario One: Grocery Store
You're walking in the produce section when you see a hottie bending over to pick up some fruit. Should you give it a whack?

NO. You don't know the woman, she's fully clothed, and a grocery store is hardly an intimate setting.

Scenario Two: Workplace
You've occasionally flirted with a coworker, and you're sharing the elevator upstairs to get to work. She says something particularly ribald. Should you smack the ass?

QUESTIONABLE. You know her, and she MAY want to get naked, but it's still way too early in the morning to really appreciate it. If you were going downstairs, after work, then perhaps it would be acceptable.

Scenario Three: At the Club
You've been dancing really freaky with this hottie, and she excuses herself to go to the restroom. Should you give her something to remember you by?

YES. A lighthearted tap on the bum is all good. You already know her, and the club is nice and dark.

Scenario Four: Knockin' Da Boots
You're naked and about to get jiggy with some fly honey. To spank or not to spank?

YES, YES, YES, for godssake yes. If she's not into it, she'll tell you, but tis better to have spanked and be reprimanded than never to have spanked at all.

Comments

[daleth.livejournal.com]

Smacking at work is always a bad idea...Even if you know her really well, and possess knowledge that she likes a tap on the rear every now and then. She can always turn out to be a greedy whore, and sue you for everything you've got, because smacking her ass caused her great mental angst. Sexual harrasment laws are screwed up like that.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Scenario Four: Knockin' Da Boots
You're naked and about to get jiggy with some fly honey. To spank or not to spank?

YES, YES, YES, for godssake yes. If she's not into it, she'll tell you

This is not necessarily true. If she's not into it, you can bet she'll tell her girlfriends and her cuddle bitches about how you kept smacking her ass and it bugged the hell out of her and she's not into that and blah, blah, blah, but she may or may NOT actually tell YOU.

[lisa.livejournal.com]

on the other hand, i never knew i liked it until someone tried it on me- and surprise surprise it was the most turned on i'd ever been. sometimes you need that push (or smack)....

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Much like anything else, you really just can't make a hard-and-fast rule about it. You have to gauge how likely it is to be accepted, and go from there. There's no one single approach that will work for all (or, really, even most) girls.

I think Laural's got the right idea in the wrong way - if you're into it just freaking talk about it constantly in flirtatious conversations, livejournals, etc. But if there aren't any strong clues either way ahead of time, you really can't present any hard-and-fast "always spank" or "never spank" rule.

Hair-pulling's kinda the same way.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

well, she'll either RESPOND or not. If she doesn't, obviously don't do it again.

And if you're dating a girl who doesn't tell you what she likes in bed, you have other problems...

[bart-calendar.livejournal.com]

If she tells her girlfriends you smacked her ass, that will just make your reputation soar. They'll be like "god, she's a bitch, I wonder if he'd spank my ass."

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

I only have one rule. The ass smack has to be earned. You do not just get smacked cause you're flouncin around with a smirk on your face. You have to either be really really good, or really really bad to get a proper smackin. I'll toss out a friendly pat as you walk by as a freebie if I'm feeling generous, but it's rare.

As to hair pulling, I'll just quote Another Day in Paradise

"If I wanted soft kisses I'd be fucking a girl, not sitting here with your dick down my throat, now pull my fucking hair"

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

thats a great quote

[cpf.livejournal.com]

Scenario 5: You're on a co-ed baseball team...

[jette.livejournal.com]

YES YES YES FOR GOD'S SAKE SPANK

Truer words were never spoken. Just aim for the sweet spot.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

In the words of Madonna, "Nothing like a good spanky."

[soul4rent.livejournal.com]

so only in scenario 3 is it my duty to smack that booty?





sorry, I couldn't resist.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Mainly Four.

[soul4rent.livejournal.com]

I meant rule 3. It's not as funny if you can't deliver the joke right. I'll be quiet now.

[meekgirl.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful.

[starfyer.livejournal.com]

Love this. Loooooove this :)


(Hey guys, it seems that there ain't a girl here who DOESN'T like it... So let's not have any more naysaying ;)

on the other hand

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I think the girls who read my LJ are more likely to be kinky freaks (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=herbaliser&itemid=402800) anyway.