lauralh | public service announcement

Now I'm not one of those heartless bitches who puts down other women to build herself up, but honest to god I have more in common with my surly football-watching, trent-coat-wearing, Jack-Daniels-drinking, DJ-Assault-listening housemate than 99% of "women" I meet. (The fact that he and I go to the same hair salon only adds to this.) I'm not exactly sure why this is - I suppose part of it has to do with upbringing and socialization (having exactly zero-one female friends growing up and all), but it is so. OK, I bleed and have tits, hormones mix similarly in me as they do in other girls, but I'm a duck raised by chickens. I don't really know how to swim.

The point of all this is that I don't spend money on my shampoo, and I'm the last person you want to ask for advice about women. Unless you like hearing the Gospel According to Steve Stifler, which is what I'll consult if someone asks me. Oh sure, first I'll say "Well if I were in that situation, I'd do X", but that won't help because 90% of women are doing Y. But after that I put on my "jerk women love" mask, or sometimes skip straight to it. Either way it's not really something you couldn't have gotten on your own. I mean I CAN give relationship advice, just like human to human, but anytime someone says "You're a girl, what do YOU think?" I pretty much say "She sounds like a fucking bitch."