public service announcement

[lauralh]

Now I'm not one of those heartless bitches who puts down other women to build herself up, but honest to god I have more in common with my surly football-watching, trent-coat-wearing, Jack-Daniels-drinking, DJ-Assault-listening housemate than 99% of "women" I meet. (The fact that he and I go to the same hair salon only adds to this.) I'm not exactly sure why this is - I suppose part of it has to do with upbringing and socialization (having exactly zero-one female friends growing up and all), but it is so. OK, I bleed and have tits, hormones mix similarly in me as they do in other girls, but I'm a duck raised by chickens. I don't really know how to swim.

The point of all this is that I don't spend money on my shampoo, and I'm the last person you want to ask for advice about women. Unless you like hearing the Gospel According to Steve Stifler, which is what I'll consult if someone asks me. Oh sure, first I'll say "Well if I were in that situation, I'd do X", but that won't help because 90% of women are doing Y. But after that I put on my "jerk women love" mask, or sometimes skip straight to it. Either way it's not really something you couldn't have gotten on your own. I mean I CAN give relationship advice, just like human to human, but anytime someone says "You're a girl, what do YOU think?" I pretty much say "She sounds like a fucking bitch."

Comments

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

amen!

danke

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the gospel according to Stifler. After spending a large part of today listening to a friend weep and ramble incoherently about the demise of her latest "relationship" I needed that. She's talking about her feelings, and the best advice I could come up with was "he's only being insensitive to your feelings cause you're not fucking him enough, they don't call it pussy-whipped for nothin". Dr. Phil, I'm not.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I never understood the concept of not fucking someone enough. I mean, if you're dating someone, you should want the nookie constantly, right?

[vonpookie.livejournal.com]

Sounds about like me. I was always the "tomboy" in the group from school. Sure I had friends who were girls, but never called/saw any of them outside of school. During elementary school, I spent more time with my friend Shawn who lived down the street than anyone else.

Then this morning, J comes in the bathroom and asks the most dreaded question ever: "does this shirt go with these pants?"

Fuck, I don't know. You're a big boy. And besides, the pants looked green-ish to me; he said they were tan. So I'm obviously not the one to ask.

As for advice on women, there are too many I just want to smack the shit out of due to their attitudes, so I just try to stay out of any conversation like that.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Hey, I didn't say I was colorblind, just not Jean-Paul Gaultier. I think both sexes should have SOME fashion sense (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=herbaliser&itemid=429076&nc=3). Otherwise you'll just look like Edina (http://www.allyourtv.com/images/a/absolutelyfabulous/edina2.jpg).

[vonpookie.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is I'm not color blind. The only times I ever have trouble is when the two colors are a bit too close. Like extremely dark blue and black. If I can't figure it out, I try to find some different light or just ask "what color is this?"

Like this morning. When I was asked, I was attempting to determine color from the crappy light in the bathroom. If it had been the bare 60-watt bulb in the closed, I would have been better (this is also why I pick clothes out in the morning, then start the whole "morning bathroom process").

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

on the other hand, if you need some insight into the mental workings of a gender-estranged female computer programmer and part-time supervillain, you should definitely check with Laural.