challenge!

[lauralh]

Post a fake entry of mine, one that I would never ever write.

Edit: Please try not to repeat what others have posted.

Comments

[endquote.livejournal.com]

Okay. What's your password?

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

IN THE COMMENTS STUPID

[bitchness.livejournal.com]

Well kids, I've changed my mind. Reg has asked me to marry him, and we've decided that we're going to have 2 kids, because having just one is just not fair to the kid, you know, only child syndrome. We're getting married at the end of this month, and we're going to start trying for babies right away, my biological clock is ticking, you know. We've given up drinking and all drugs for good, and are trying to find a Mormon church nearby, I think it's important to raise children in the church. I know, I know, this is all very sudden, but I've been rethinking a lot of things lately, and I just want to be a mommy!

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

NICE

[perich.livejournal.com]

so at work tdoay i was sitting in teh break rooom with cheryl and crissy and dianne and dianne is all like 'has everyone seen national treasure' and crissy's like 'no i never got to see it in the thetaer' and cheryl's like 'well it's out on dvd now' and cirssy's like 'no way' and dianne's like 'yuh huh it came out on tuesday and i made brad buy me a copy' and crissy's like 'is it any good' and dianne's like 'it's so incredible because apparently the fuondnig fahters were pat of this secret soceity and they buried this treasure somewhere and nicholas cage finds it' and cheryl's like 'wasn't whast her face from troy u know she played the princess' and dianne was like 'yes she's so gorgeous' and cheryl said 'yeah you know not like supermodel gorgeous but eral u know just real' and i'm all like 'that movie was just a rip off of the da vinci code and anyway its not eral' and dianne just looks at me but i keep going like 'its not even real but i saw the uthor of the davicni code on good moring america and hes talking baout the secret vatican conspiraces and all that and its gonan be a movie with tom hanks' and then they just keep tlaking about the dum movie!!!!! like its my fault i read sometimes.

omg i cant wait to get out of here! im soooo borred me and all the grrrlz are going to see michelle branch play at teh club tonight! grrlzzz nite out! wuvs 4 all my cuties!

I never knew being a nun was so much fun!

[discogravy.livejournal.com]

After the divorce from Reg, things were rough, but I'm so glad that I found Jesus again. I can't believe all those years I wasted having meaningless sex and doing drugs, when I could have been serving The Lord instead. Sometimes I miss the thrill of being spanked while handcuffed, but in the end, I know that Jesus wants me chaste and pure, so chastity is the way to go for me. It was hard on the kids when Reg and I divorced -- as much fun as being a housewife was, and despite the bachanalian sex/drugs/rock and roll weekends when the kids were in sunday school, deep down, I knew something was missing -- and it was even harder when I told them I was going into a convent -- how do you tell an 8 year old that Jesus called you and you have to go? It was hard but it had to be done. I know The Lord will take care of them, just like he takes care of me.

Current Music: Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Handel's Messiah
Current Mood: feelin' the love of the LORD!

[jette.livejournal.com]

I got a new dog! He's a Rottweiller/Pit Bull/Doberman/Border Collie mix and he's almost as big as me! He's great with the kids, the doctors say Reg Jr.'s ear can be sewn back on. It's not Rover's fault, he's just being playful, he loves children! I don't believe in keeping him cooped up so I let him run all over the neighborhood. I don't get why that mean old Mrs. Kravitz seems to have a problem with this. So he knocked her down, she needs to get over her fear of dogs.

[almosttruth.livejournal.com]

Youth group last night was super fun!! Praise be Jesus!! I'm so happy I'm a born again virgin. Sex and drugs are the handiwork of Satan.

[almosttruth.livejournal.com]

I guess mine is sorta in the same vein as some of the others. Except mine is SHORT AND SWEET. oh well.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

yeah that made it better!

[doyouhaveaflag.livejournal.com]

i have grown tired of seattle. i'm moving back to north carolina to live with my family. they're going to let me stay with them as long as i claim the morman faith, which i am more than happy to do. i feel trapped in my life in seattle, like i am on a path of indefinite acceleration. when i move back home i can get a good menial job doing something nice and mindless.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

i'll accept that as my family lives in Louisiana

Current music: Kenny G

[vileinfestation.livejournal.com]

omigod like last night, reg and i were walking back from church on our way to country line-dancing and we saw the cutest little toddler ever!!!! he was so cuuuuute!!!! i said, "i hope our little Brigham looks like that!"

omigod i like tried to post this twice already but my computer is being all poopy-headed!!!

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

the subject line alone rules.

the closet has bats

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

So late last night, I was up with the insomnia. The pills hadn't worked, Reg was out cold, and I was alone. Suddenly, I realized: Fuck me, my inner goth has been suffocating! All the white lines obscured the truth. Mope is my life. 3am this morning I was looking up goth fashion tips, looking for a way to get a black wardrobe overnight, before the sun could burn the revelation from me. Scored a next-day delivery of industrial black dye. Covered the windows with blankets to keep out the dawn. Darkness forever!

I'd already dyed my hair black by the time Reg was alive to the world again. He's confused, but I confessed the truth to him, and he's trying to accept it. I told him that the sex won't change, but the working during daylight, letting light into the apt, and listening to anything remotely non-goth was over. After we had a couple smokes over coffee (black as the truth of my soul), he cried a little, and I stapled my hand to my forehead in aggrieved fatigue. Finally, he calmed down enough for me to tell him to get the door for the dye delivery while I got some sleep.

Probably ought to tell him about my massive Amazon order for real gawth music, but I'll give him some more adjustment time.

My dark, bleak little soul feels more undead than EVAR.

Re: the closet has bats

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!!!!!1

Re: the closet has bats

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Thankee! Going goth full-bore just seemed... not you. Therefore, obvious choice. :D

[emily-swank.livejournal.com]

I got home from my pilates class only to discover that Janet was here again. Evidently, Thursday equals "Take a shit on Laural's doormat day". This is the third time in three weeks. I rolled up the poop in the doormat like a sort of a big turd burrito and launched it over the fence squarely onto her veranda where it exploded all over the chaise lounge. I feel better, but somehow, I have a feeling this isn't over by a longshot.

thinking makes my head all hurty

[jjsaysblah.livejournal.com]

last week i've decided to change my career direction, and do makeovers in the cosmetic section at nordstroms!!!!

that whole computer science thing in school was SUCH the waste of time, i mean... all a girl needs is to look pretty and have a man take care of her. i was so silly to think i could program computers. i mean, gosh. that's soooooo hard.

plus, now i get discounts on stuff like, yanno, clothes that look so cute when i hang out at cha-cha. those peeps are SO kewl, i don't know why i didn't like them before.

well, that's it for now. i need to think about what to wear for my date with reg tonight (i wonder if i could get him to bleach his hair and go shopping at jcrew? i love him, but he just looks soooooo bad).

Re: thinking makes my head all hurty

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

oh, you rule.

{TMI list} the big talk

[lara7.livejournal.com]

Finally told Reg about the big breakthough with the shrink; will start hormone therapy next month and then begin living as a man 3 months later. If I make it the whole year, I can start investigating the surgery, which is super expensive and (natch) not covered by insurance if I happen to be employed at non-shit job by then.

Reg and I had long talk about future of the relationship since this now makes him queer. Seemed relieved when I said I wouldn't insist on fucking him the ass once I start packing the prosthetic cock.

[biffious.livejournal.com]

So last night I took it in the ass and fucking loved it.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

FIRST PRIZE!