why, because then I'd think it's ok to beat one's children? no, I don't, but I was never spanked or otherwise abused as a child, and I turned out fine. that's where my opinion on this comes from.
Spanking does not equal abuse. Sorry, it just doesn't. I'm thrilled for you that you were never spanked as a child, but just becase it's different from what you grew up with doesn't mean it's abusive. I was spanked, my children have been spanked. You have no right to call how I discipline my kids abuse, there is a huge difference between spanking and beating. Huge.
If you don't feel comfortable with it, then when/if you have your own children, don't use it as a disciplinary tool. I spank my kids when they're doing something that will cause them harm, and actually, they're getting a bit old to spank anymore, so it happens even more rarely than it used to. I don't use foreign objects to spank my kids, people had to hold me back when the principal of the school in Oklahoma told me she paddled my daughter even though I hadn't signed the corporal punishment release. They always know why they're being spanked, and I don't spank them when I'm angry. Most punishments are received better, and work better when they know you aren't mad, and are still going to punish them.
Don’t spank in ways that leave bruises. The system treats a welt on the posterior with the same seriousness as a cigarette burn, a broken bone, or a severe beating. State laws provide NO distinction between a single mark from legitimate discipline, and devastating injuries from willful, sustained torture.
Ditto. I have kids, two of them. I have been known to spank them, oh my god I'm an awful parent, I spank my kids for doing things that might get them hurt or killed! They are often bruised when they go to school, they fall off bikes, trip over their shoes left in the middle of the floor, have tickle fights that may knock one or both of them off the couch, trip on their way up the stairs... Bob knows what else can leave marks. I wouldn't ever consider trying to hide a bruise for fear that I might be prosecuted. I just don't think that way, peobably because I have no reason to be prosecuted. That site looks to me to be a "how to beat your kids and get away with it" guide more than anything else. It makes my skin crawl.
Yeah that was my impression. Plus it kind of seemed hard on single Mothers. Though I did like the thing about not having live-in boyfriends because it is true. The rate of abuse is kind of high when there are serial boyfriends.
I agree, I'm divorced, didn't have much choice in that, I'm not the one who did the leaving, so that paragraph annoyed the hell out of me. I've been divorced for 3 years, and so far haven't met a man who was worthy of even meeting my kids, let alone moving in with us. I know women who have do the serial boyfriend thing (great label, btw), and they inevitable have serious trust issues with their kids.
Yeah, that has always bothered me. Recently I heard from the girl that I stayed with immediately after my ex and I separated, she had 3 kids, and was separated from her abusive husband, who just happened to be in jail when I moved in. I stayed with her for several months, helped with rent, transportation etc., and got kinds close to her kids. When I heard from her she was visiting a friend of mine, staying in his apartment, with him and his roommates. I asked where they put the kids "Oh, they're being adopted, DHS took them away because I went back with [ex-husband]". I went mildly ballistic. No man, not even their father, is worth having my kids taken away from me. She said she tried to get them back, but that really her life was easier without them. Needless to say, we are no longer friends.
"If you, god forbid, bruise your child don't let them go to school..." creeps me out more than eclecticerudite threesome anecdotes.
Some more helpful hints:
Have you considered psychological torture? This is highly effective, long-lasting, and leaves few marks.
Only beat your children when you are too tired / otherwise occupied to come up with a nonviolent punishment.
When coaching Junior on your "cover story," repetition is essential. Which stairs did s/he fall down? What time of day was it? Don't overdo it, though, as too much detail gives a story an untrue ring.
If necessary, convince yourself that how you hold your hand is an important distinction between "spanking" and "beating."
Irony can be delicious. Try beating your child as punishment for hitting someone smaller than him. The contradictions will have his little head reeling for hours after the swelling dies down!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2004-10-06 02:47 pm (UTC)I didn't realize there was a child beater's guide to getting away with it.
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Date: 2004-10-06 02:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 03:47 pm (UTC)Recockulous.
TORTURE. HAHAHAHA.
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Date: 2004-10-06 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 04:39 pm (UTC)Though I did like the thing about not having live-in boyfriends because it is true. The rate of abuse is kind of high when there are serial boyfriends.
Still pretty darn scary.
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Date: 2004-10-06 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 04:50 pm (UTC)Still at the same time there was this blame. "Wanton whore...not a husband around!"
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Date: 2004-10-06 06:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 06:39 pm (UTC)and it felt like a kiss
Date: 2004-10-06 08:30 pm (UTC)Some more helpful hints:
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Date: 2004-10-07 06:50 am (UTC)(I haven't asked the girl I'm seeing currently, but she hasn't brought it up yet anyway. So that's a plus)
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Date: 2004-10-07 12:47 pm (UTC)