something i thought about
Jun. 25th, 2004 12:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lauralhI was raised with 4 siblings and consequently almost never got time to myself. The only alone-time I ever had was going outside to our backyard, or riding my bike, or locking myself in my room (when I didn't share one) and reading. None of these lasted very long, no more than a couple of hours usually, and once coming back "home" I was once again bombarded with "people."
When I left home, I had roommates the whole time, till I was 22, at which point I nearly lost it. My social life went from "friends every day at least" to "friends once a week at most." I adapted by becoming an internet fiend, a habit I still indulge in to a certain extent. And, also, by watching copious amounts of television. It still wasn't that much, as I didn't have cable, but having the TV on the same syndicated shows every day is almost like having friends (no pun intended). If I wasn't going out on the weekend, and my shows weren't on, I sank into a deep funk. Of course, moving in with my boyfriend a couple years later didn't really erase these tendencies completely. First of all, he sucked, and second of all, living alone does have its advantages that I missed. I got over it but it took a while, and then I was unemployed for a long time and so, literally, Nick was the only person I'd see for months.
But I moved out and into the Cult of the Red Door, and it quickly felt like college again, except with more money. That didn't last, but the brother-sister vibe did. I'm coming to the realization that, as weird and fucked-up as my childhood sibling relatioships were, I'm very well adapted to not-living-alone. Which sucks in some ways but not in others, and I wonder how many of my peers and age group are or aren't. Because most of them are only children, or their siblings are much older or younger. The only child "fad" began in this country a while back, I was going to say "fifty years" but that was the baby boom and not that many people were only children then. But, my mother, at least, definitely had the vibe going - her sister was ten years older.
Anyway, the point I'm driving at is that living with someone is not easy for people who have had their own space all their lives, and I wonder if this is a cause for relationships with live-in partners that disintegrate.
When I left home, I had roommates the whole time, till I was 22, at which point I nearly lost it. My social life went from "friends every day at least" to "friends once a week at most." I adapted by becoming an internet fiend, a habit I still indulge in to a certain extent. And, also, by watching copious amounts of television. It still wasn't that much, as I didn't have cable, but having the TV on the same syndicated shows every day is almost like having friends (no pun intended). If I wasn't going out on the weekend, and my shows weren't on, I sank into a deep funk. Of course, moving in with my boyfriend a couple years later didn't really erase these tendencies completely. First of all, he sucked, and second of all, living alone does have its advantages that I missed. I got over it but it took a while, and then I was unemployed for a long time and so, literally, Nick was the only person I'd see for months.
But I moved out and into the Cult of the Red Door, and it quickly felt like college again, except with more money. That didn't last, but the brother-sister vibe did. I'm coming to the realization that, as weird and fucked-up as my childhood sibling relatioships were, I'm very well adapted to not-living-alone. Which sucks in some ways but not in others, and I wonder how many of my peers and age group are or aren't. Because most of them are only children, or their siblings are much older or younger. The only child "fad" began in this country a while back, I was going to say "fifty years" but that was the baby boom and not that many people were only children then. But, my mother, at least, definitely had the vibe going - her sister was ten years older.
Anyway, the point I'm driving at is that living with someone is not easy for people who have had their own space all their lives, and I wonder if this is a cause for relationships with live-in partners that disintegrate.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 12:33 pm (UTC)My parents (WW2 kids -- just pre-boom) are both the way you describe. They couldn't hack it together.
My sister is close to my age, so I had a lot more of the never-being-alone stuff. And I know perfectly well that I NEED to live with someone, or I freak out, pretty quickly.
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Date: 2004-06-25 01:59 pm (UTC)this is one of the many things i've analyzed EXTENSIVELY. i am an only child and i have found that i do tend to handle living with others well... unless the others are only children as well. only children are raised very different than children with siblings. we do not have to share attention with others and we do things how we do things... and have trouble adjusting to how others may do things. however, only children understand this about each other. we are also used to not sharing possessions as much as others may be. "what's mine is mine, and i don't care if you use it, at all, but PLEASE ASK!" that seems to be a common thread that i know i have had to explain to some people. something i found interesting in a previous short-lived relationship was the difference in interpretation of attention and what certain actions meant. for example, i interpret individual attention as someone taking time out of their life to spend with me, that they care. with him, physical contact (hugging) was a sign of caring. if his parents took the time to single out one of them with a hug, they cared. he was accustomed to constant chatter, er... conversation, whereas i'm accustomed to silence. he would interpret my silence as me being upset when i was not and i would interpret his talking as filler noise. again, these are just some of my own observations and examples and i know they don't apply to every only child or sibling child.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 03:29 pm (UTC)The age diff with my only full brother is 3.5 years, and we were four grades apart in school. My older half-sibs live in MS and I saw them 2-3 times growing up.
My brother is more social and better at living with others than I am, generally, but I have some practice. My bf Dan is fifth of seven, himself (though there's 20 years between oldest & youngest), so he's probably better with it than I am, as well... which will prove interesting come the end of next month, as we'll be living in the same apartment after that. Very interesting.
At least there's the bedroom suite and the living suite, so we don't kill each other or something. :P