rules for dating me

[lauralh]

Since Steve was the only person to do the Top Ten FAQ, I figure I'll run with this one.

1) You have to live a bus-route away, even if you have a car.
2) You can't be boring. Hint: your Halo score is not interesting, and neither are stories of people you know who died.
3) Bad kissers are a huge turnoff. I want to feel lips and tongue, not air. And you aren't trying to swallow me. Christ.
4) I'm not going to like you if you never spend the night after sex.
5) Speaking of sex, would it kill you to take charge once in a while? Or every time? I need someone who can take charge in the bedroom.
6) I know it's asking a lot for a man to not be an emotional cripple, but if you have trouble telling your anger from grief, you might want to look into that.
7) I don't want to date people who believe in God.
8) If I can't feel your sternum when I touch your chest, I probably am not going to be turned on enough to have sex with you. It's really nothing personal.
9) Please don't fall in love with me on the first date. I mean, I'm not THAT cool. Third date is fine.

Comments

[astralbeats.livejournal.com]

hhahaha! this one cracked me up totally. not that i'm ultra anti-christ but yea i'm not too big on those spreading the faith either ;p

7) I don't want to date people who believe in God.

i can see someone running after you with the bible.

[apotheon.livejournal.com]

I think I qualify under #7. You might reasonably apply the word God to what I do believe in if you want to, but it's really only metaphorical in that sense.

Sadly, I'm sunk on #1. C'est la vie.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

I know. It's nothing personal, it's just that long distance relationships are stupid.

[apotheon.livejournal.com]

Generally, I agree. I'm not seriously heartbroken at the moment, so don't worry yourself. That's why relationships of the "romantic" sort (used here colloquially) between people that live great distances from each other should typically be brief. More than one brief short-distance "visiting" relationship is more likely to work out in a positive fashion than one long-distance relationship.

No, really, I'm not hinting at anything. Well, I didn't mean to, anyhow.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

it's like that song goes, you know, "I've got hos, in different area codes." Which I interpret to mean "I can't take these girls seriously because they live so far away." But maybe that's not what was meant. Heh.

as you know, I dated someone quite seriously LD for several years. Although we'd dated over a year before that happened, the LDR still sucked giant hairy donkey balls, and it's not something I'm ever going to put myself through again. But I have no problem with the long distance booty call in theory. Just never tried it out.

[apotheon.livejournal.com]

That pretty much sounds like my take on it, except that my experience with LDRs is entirely vicarious.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

lucky
you

[apotheon.livejournal.com]

That's my impression.

[discogravy.livejournal.com]

you say that like sucking giant hairy donkey balls is not a good thing.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

apparently you've never tried it.

Re:

[discogravy.livejournal.com]

...and you have?


OMFG PICS?!!1!

[infinite-hiatus.livejournal.com]

hey now. I did a top ten FAQ. I can't remember which journal I put it in though. :-)

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

well it doesn't matter now, does it.