and this, my friends, is why you leave the lights on

[lauralh]

I bunged my right eyebrow into a door frame last night just before bed. I had to go to sleep clutching a sock with ice in the toe. Now it's all swelled up, and it hurts when I laugh. The end to a perfect week, one might say.

--

Shit, I've been saying this for years.

--

I read somewhere that it's easier to get nonfiction published than fiction. And if Pamie and this book can get published, so can I, right? I just need an idea. Actually I would love to just write a proposal and get actual cash for it. I doubt that's likely as I'm a completely untried article though. Well, it would be cool, though, because then I could take pictures of cute boys and claim that it's research.

--

So everyone's heard about the lawyer dude who was arrested for wearing a peace shirt, right? But have you read the police report?

--

Afghanistan is back on top of world heroin production. Hooray for democracy.

--

hahaha, Scalzi rules. He wrote this thing about Bush being incompetent, and then some people were like "OMG YOU SAID HE WAS A NICE MAN TAKE IT BACK" but he's all, uh, no.

" [They think] a nice guy wouldn't invade Iraq or deprive children of school lunch money or take a weed-whacker to the Constitution and so on. The problem with that formulation is that it's totally wrong; nice people do these sorts of things all the time. On the extreme end of it, you have Arendt's banality of evil or Milgram's zappers: Otherwise normal, nice people doing horrific things to other people because they either don't see or choose to ignore the far-reaching consequences -- or they don't see the consequences as being wrong."

Comments

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

On "nice guys with confidence" vs. "nice guys full of self-pity and lacking non-romantic responsibility":

So true. And the point about financial competence? I could write a book about it. I personally tend to like nice guys who can still be snarky and offensive in their humor, but have a good heart. However, financial incontinence is a major, major headache -- and if a guy wants to find a girl and settle down with her, he needs to have his priorities straight. The only qualifications I have for "nice guys" is that they are honest about exclusivity or the lack thereof, they aren't abusive, and either their shit is together, or in the process of becoming so. As long as a guy's not a lying cheater, a domestic abuser/controlling bastard, or going nowhere, and he's sufficiently compatible, that's fine. Plenty of self-described "assholes" are actually... not. ;P

On the t-shirt incident:

You'd think a 61-year-old lawyer with a high-responsibility position would know better. Maybe he's had some trans-ischemic attacks lately, and his brain's been zapped.

On the nice-guy thing:

I really need to re-read Eichmann in Jerusalem. The banality of evil is such an important concept, yet it's frequently overlooked.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

One thing I can't stand is people who are indiscriminately nice. Because if he's nice to everybody, why should I believe that he likes me better?

Re:

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

That's another one. Too nice is bland. I like some snarky darkness and a willingness to dislike people openly.

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

I think that nice guy crap is a big ol rabbit. and I HATE RABBITS!

Of course noone wants to date someone who's whiny, lonely, and desperate, male or female.
The real issue is when a guy who isn't any of the above finds himself caught up in the "nice guy" situation, and doesnt realize that it's because he's dealing with a female who's low self esteem keeps her from feeling worthy of being respected. If the guy is too "nice" to adapt his behavior to fit the situation, then he has a problem. The problem isnt niceness, It's the subconcious desire to seek out what we can't have to validate subconscious feelings of low self worth.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Or maybe men shouldn't date chicks who believe themselves to be subhuman.

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

well, we've hit on a nice little conundrum here. Low self esteem causes people to do all sorts of things. Some of these things actually have the double negative effect of being actually appealing to members of the opposite sex. This applies to both men and women.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear!

There's also a very real problem that popular society constantly pounds on men with messages that being sexually or romantically aggressive is uncool, whereas in actual fact, most women are utterly incapable of seeing a man who isn't noticeably aggressive - even in the face of initial resistance - as a sexual object at all.

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

well, I think there's a certain subset of the population raised over the past 25-30 years, that recieved experimental education as to how men and women should interact as "equals".While the principles were sound, and the intent admirable, It is now coming to light that some of these teachings were possibly ahead of their time, and some were flat out wrong.

There's some wicked double standards that still need to be overcome...

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

To me the problem is not with that subset so much as the superset that was not raised that way.

Re:

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

I think both sets have problems.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

The problem lies in the fact that "equal" doesn't mean "the same."

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

well, I think there's a certain subset of the population raised over the past 25-30 years, that recieved experimental education as to how men and women should interact as "equals".

Um, I don't know what you're talking about... ::slinks off furtively::

Yeah, there's definitely a fine art to knowing in what ways to treat females as equals, and in what ways to treat them like game animals. I'm frankly far better at the former than the latter - I've still got way too much residual guilt from behavior patterns stamped in from childhood to feel all that comfortable with treating initial resistance as a challenge instead of as a literal communication.

and I can't win either

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Geez, if a guy approaches me in a club and I have no desire to talk to him, he's going to interpret it as a challenge? What the fuck?

Re: and I can't win either

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Geez, if a guy approaches me in a club and I have no desire to talk to him, he's going to interpret it as a challenge? What the fuck?

Depends on how good he is at the game. There's definitely a difference between a chick being coy and a chick that's trying to communicate that she doesn't want to fucking talk to you, but it's not always an obvious one. You also have to remember that the way mating rituals are set up, it's basically a situation of male salesperson, female prospect - and one of the prime tenets of sales is to take initial resistance as a sign of worthwhile assets being protected, rather than a sign of unwillingess to ever do business.

I could extend that analogy further in several really disturbing (and yet applicable) directions, but you can probably take it from there on your own.

Re: and I can't win either

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

Don't get me started on Glengarry Glen Ross...

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

What about when I approach a guy and he's not interested? Or are guys coy too?

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Rarely. But it has been known to happen. There's also the possibility that he doesn't know how to deal with a girl approaching him instead of the other way around, or - depending on how you define "approach" - that he doesn't realize he's being "approached."

Or he may just have no clue what to say to some random chick in a bar.

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

well, the way I see it, Until women figure their shit out, Us men have to stick to the old ways, until something new is proven to work. Come up with someting, new, I'm the first guy to give it a whirl, if it doesn't work though, I'm back to smackin asses. It took me years to undo some of the things I was raised with, and it's still a work in progress. Not to say that I don't respect women,because I do. I hold them in the highest regard, When they've proven themselves to be up to that challenge. Humans are reward based animals. reward me for treating with respect, I'l continue to do so. Reward me for smackin that ass, standing you up, and hooking up with your best friend, then I'll do that. Treating people as equals, and treating them as individuals are two entirely seperate concepts to me.

Why don't we have a community or forum of some sort to discuss this stuff? It seems to come up a lot.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

heh, why don't you start niceguysfinishlast then?

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

cuz I'm a nice guy who rarely finishes last. Especially when it comes to the ladies, I like to finish first. And then fall asleep quickly before all the "talking" starts.

as I always say

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

If the bitch is still awake enough to talk, you ain't doing it right.

Re: as I always say

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

I always do it right. RIGHT away, and RIGHT to sleep. You can go all night long, and she'll still find something to complain about in the morning, might as well rest up...

[cpf.livejournal.com]

I found the police report when I was looking for more background on the story, particularly who the mall management company was. What I found out was this is the THIRD incident of the kind at that mall - the first one happened 12/21/02. I'm guessing the current perp knew this and was looking for media attention, which in my mind makes him an instigator.