pulling up the archives

[lauralh]

I suppose your early twenties is about the time when people start getting married. It seems like I've heard about six weddings in the past two months, either occurring or being planned for. And I don't get it. I mean, technically I can understand the sentiment of wanting to spend the rest of your life with a person, because I've felt that way before - but then I was seventeen. I'm such a different person now than I was then. And I suspect I will be a different person, again, in another five years. Probably not as much, but you know. And I have no idea what I'll be like at forty or even sixty. And it's hard enough to know who's right for you now, but how can you know they'll be right for you then?

But let's say, somehow, you find someone who's right for you now, and he will work with you to be the right person for you when you're sixty-four. Why do you have to let the government get involved? I mean it's none of their business if you decide to stay with them for the rest of your life, right? If I make a lifelong commitment, I would hope my word would be enough for that person, not the shackles of marriage.

Let's assume, however, that for whatever reasons (tax purposes) you want the government involved in your commitment. I still don't get the whole wedding thing. I mean the big ceremony and reception thing. I understand that it is more for the family or friends than the couple, but I don't think that's fair. Especially the custom of having the bride's family pay for the whole thing. Just have a simple civil ceremony, then after the honeymoon throw a big shebang. Is that so hard?

I'm in my anti-religion phase, I guess. Having a wedding in a church or performed by a minister just makes me want to guffaw, especially with such a damned high divorce rate in this country. And if I don't want the government involved in my personal commitment, you can bet your ass I wouldn't want God around, either.

Finally, I feel way too immature and irresponsible to be a "wife". I suppose this may change as I get older, but all the people I know who just got/are getting married are about my age or so. Maybe I'm just immature for my age, but I don't think it's something you should do before the age of twenty-five anyway.


I wrote this treatise against marriage when I was twenty-three. What's surprising to me now is how fair and even-handed it was. I guess I was aware that there were some marrieds in my audience back in the day, and maybe I didn't want to offend them. Or maybe I've just gotten Even More Deeply Cynical in my old age...

Comments

Re: Marriage

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

My genes have made up for the fact that I'm completely unsuitable to raise children by making me utterly despise the little beasts. I'd get a tubal tomorrow if it wasn't so expensive.

[buckylea.livejournal.com]

yeah. that's pretty much how i feel these days. i think it's incredibly idealistic of people to think that what they feel for the person now will be the same in twenty years. it's foolish, but maybe that's how some people react to being in love. i don't know.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

JINX

[meekgirl.livejournal.com]

I find that I have to separate my anti-marriage sentiments from my anti-ostentation sentiments in order to fairly evaluate marriage. Like, there are plenty of reasons to be anti-marriage, but there are also reasons to be for marriage. What I can't overcome is my puritanical resistance to huge parties and diamond rings and bugging your friends for months. My parents were married in a small ceremony and my mother wore a blue suit and no engagement ring and her wedding ring cost $12. And yet, they're still married and they like being married. So it's possible I'm more anti-wedding than anti-marriage. (Though certainly if I'm pro-marriage I'm pro-gay people marrying.)

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Thank god I didn't know anyone like that (one of the advantages of growing up in a rural area, and upon leaving befriending confirmed spinsters). Even my brother's wedding, my first, was enough to turn me off the idea (as was my sister-in-law warning me that I should definitely elope).

Of course with gay people there's not as much goddamn pressure from society to get married and have kids, etc, so to this straight girl, it makes the idea of them getting married seem a lot more romantic. Personally I don't think we should legalize gay marriage so much as make straight marriage illegal (that is, none of the government's business)...