of all the things that you've done wrong

Friends qotd: "I like him so much I feel like I've had ten drinks. And I've only had six!"

best post on 4/20 so far

So anyway.
I've been reading How To Succeed with Women because, well, I'm bored and my PKD books haven't gotten in yet. It's pretty funny stuff obviously. I mean it all falls under one of three categories: shit that is valid for both men and women, shit that is valid for most women, and shit that would work on me. I have to admit that I like it when guys say "Hi" to me, for example. Even if that's all they say, it's nice. What's really funny reading this book, though, is the "women are difficult, just deal with it" shit. The whole "Yes, the double standard is in place, no, it's not fair, but you want to date women, don't you? Then pay for her fucking dinner."

The thing which still astonishes me is the "If she stands you up, don't take it personally, she's just testing you" shit. I mean that's a total double standard if there ever was one. I would never ever ever stand a guy up. The closest I've come is calling a guy to tell him I wasn't gonna be there. And the whole "don't worry if she doesn't call you" crap. I first learned about this behavior from talking to Jim, and it totally blew my mind. "Wait, even if a girl says no to a date, she might still like you? What the fuck kind of insane troll logic is that?"

The other thing which amused me is the whole "planning romance" thing. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that at all, but it still seems like a fuckload of effort to go into to get a girl to put out or like you or whatever. And what do guys get in return? I dunno, I just think things should be more equal. If I like a guy, I mean, I'm gonna put forth some effort into having a nice time with him. Actually I think it seems weird to me because I like to plan the dates. I like to be more in control of what's going on in that department. Granted, I'm also used to it because of dating total unromantic jackasses. But I'm not all that romantic myself. I dunno. I'm probably too hepped on on caffeine to make any sense. But the book goes into elaborate detail on how you should spend time making a four+ hour long "seduction date" - it just seems like so much overkill to me.

rules for dating me

Since Steve was the only person to do the Top Ten FAQ, I figure I'll run with this one.

1) You have to live a bus-route away, even if you have a car.
2) You can't be boring. Hint: your Halo score is not interesting, and neither are stories of people you know who died.
3) Bad kissers are a huge turnoff. I want to feel lips and tongue, not air. And you aren't trying to swallow me. Christ.
4) I'm not going to like you if you never spend the night after sex.
5) Speaking of sex, would it kill you to take charge once in a while? Or every time? I need someone who can take charge in the bedroom.
6) I know it's asking a lot for a man to not be an emotional cripple, but if you have trouble telling your anger from grief, you might want to look into that.
7) I don't want to date people who believe in God.
8) If I can't feel your sternum when I touch your chest, I probably am not going to be turned on enough to have sex with you. It's really nothing personal.
9) Please don't fall in love with me on the first date. I mean, I'm not THAT cool. Third date is fine.