I&#39;ve even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi.

you have gmail!

From:

already.

From:

xkissikx.livejournal.com

i do have gmail already, but i find this to be rather comical in retrospect so you can have it for entertainment regardless:

(while in afterglow from some pretty damn good sex)
him: i don't think we should see each other anymore...
me: um... yeah, you could have mentioned that about half an hour ago!
(silence for a few minutes)
him (while attempting to be slightly seductive): i do like to revisit familiar places though...
me: yeah, you don't get that privelage anymore. sorry.

there weren't any harsh feelings or anything... it was just the timing of it i found to be funny. hope you get a chuckle out of this...

From:

perfect

From:

gfrancie.livejournal.com

I don't need a gmail invite (thank you kindly anyways) but here it goes.
Me:I slept with an elf last night.
him:You are a whore. How could you? I thought you and I were going to be together.
Me:yeah...until you slept with five people I happen to know.

From:

NEEDS MORE CONTEXT

From:

asabass.livejournal.com

ME: "I think we should break up"

HER: (Looks completely shocked, farts extremely loudly)

From:

PERFECT

From:

gfrancie.livejournal.com

okay.

me: So what did you do last night?
him: I went to a party with Steph. It was pretty kick-ass.
me: ah.
him: Did you do anything?
me: hrm...well I hung out with this one guy for awhile but he was dull. I then ended up at this party. Some frat house throwing a Christmas party.
him: oh yeah? Any fun? Did you get laid (he says this in a joking tone.
me: yeah. I did actually. I slept with this guy in an elf suit.
him: haha...
me: no really. I did. I slept with an elf last night.
him: You fucking whore. I can't believe that. I thought we talked about how we wanted to be together and shit and how we weren't going to sleep around.
me: Yeah...until you slept with five people I knew.

From:

doyouhaveaflag.livejournal.com

i was arrested when my high school boyfriend broke up with me. long story.

From:

perich.livejournal.com

Who doesn't have gmail?

From:

bitchness.livejournal.com

I already have g-mail but here's my first breakup after my divorce, he was told throughout the whopping 2-3 month relationship, that he was the rebound, and not likely to last more than a few months, was a bouncer at a local club.

Me: I'm being deployed in a week, so I guess I'll see you around when I get back, huh?
Him: Oh, no way, I can fly to see you, write letters, phone calls and stuff!
Me: Uhh.. no, remember the rebound thing?
Him: ... yeah...
Me: I'm being deployed with 100 mostly attractive men and 9 women.
Him: Oh. So... you're breaking up with me?
Me: I guess, were we really dating? I thought it was just sex.

The next night:

My ex-husband: So I hear my wife dumped you last night.

From:

cut scene to a boy and girl having drunken sex.

sex abruptly stops as they realize that the condom is magically gone.

boy sits up and watches in disdain as girl fishes around inside herself, trying to find said condom.

when condom is found and mood is spoiled, boy says "at least it wasn't as bad as LAST time."

note here that boy and girl only had sex one other time, during which the girl fell asleep repeadedly.

boy says "can you take me home now?"

girl drives boy home.

girl shows up to bar where he tends to see him giving the girl that looks like a horse free drinks, while he overcharges his 'girlfriend'.

From:

that was.. more pathetic than amusing :(

From:

m4y4suk4.livejournal.com

she cut her wrist after I told her it was me not her on my 21-b-day.

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amusing only in hindsight.

definitely wasn't one of my shining romances.

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this is totally off-topic, but i think it's great that you have the Shadow Usul banner in your user info, too ^_^

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*blushes and shuffles feet shyly*

thank you!

hee hee and your little ixi animated bleh thing is the best thing ever :D

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heh.. i still have to make that ixi into a userpic for LJ... it's just the right size! i'm glad you like it, feel free to use it.. i think i ganked it from Neopets somewhere.. :D

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not exactly tv-friendly!! but hilarious! which email should I send the invite to?

From:

which email should I send it?

From:

much better? do you need gmail?

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hee hee it's okay, already got one, but i felt i should share that horror story with you ;)

From:

m4y4suk4.livejournal.com

iworshiplural@m4y4suk4.org (really)

From:

gfrancie.livejournal.com

Don't need the gmail but I have always had a good giggle over the fact that I slept with a man wearing pointly elf shoes and it helped me gain the courage to finally tell the awful boyfriend from hell to fuck off.

From:

heheheheh

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thanks muchly!

and you have wondermous taste in other things, as well, my dear!

From:

why thankee! i think much the same of you :)

From:

*blush*

LET'S BE FRIENDS!

or in non-speak:

LETZ B FRENZ!!!

i feel all sorts of cool now <_<

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From:

omg, those are wonderful! i got a little thing that hung in my jeep very briefly before i had to give it back that had the bunny and said something like 'boys smell' or 'boys are silly'...

can't remember which.

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i've been rather Happy Bunny crazy.. i've got a "Tresspassers Butchered" door hanger, a three shotglasses set, a notepad and pen, a little purse writing kit thing.. i bought a coworker the "your morning breath smells like butt" mug.. but my first Happy Bunny purchase was the shortbread cookies i posted the pic for above. i still have the box (slightly dismantled). i'm such a freak :D

recently, i added the keychain "cute but a little evil" to my key holder.. i call it that because it's the ring for an Emily the Strange keychain a friend bought me, but i have a feeling i'll attach a few more keychains soon.. gah.

i <3 clearance sections at Claire's, Zumiez, and Hot Topic. if i see any Happy Bunny air fresheners for cars that are cheap(ish), i'll pick them up for you!

From:

woo hoo! i left the majority of stuff like that in phoenix, donated most of it or gave it away to friends... i desperately need to start my entire life over! hee hee hee.

although i still do have my emily the strange shower curtain! granted, it's packed in a box, but the moment i move out....

From:

heh, took you long enough to reply to that ;p

let the collections grow!!! i've got an Emily t-shirt, and i got season one of Zim on dvd for Christmas...

when are you moving out? did i miss something?

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oh, i'm not going anywhere anytime soon :) my roommate is getting married and they'll be looking for a house after the wedding, so...

either way, the blue thing that's in the bathroom at the moment belongs to them.. as soon as they/it is gone, Emily is SO going up.

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LOL as i realize that like a year later, we're still having a conversation in poor

herbalizer's lj from when we originally met ;)

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freek.

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i asked you if you were moving out because:

it's packed in a box, but the moment i move out....

take it into context, hun ;)

ditch where you live and come be my roommate in Seattle! ~~i just want you for your shower curtain...~~

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*nods solemnly* ;)

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