god save the king of new orleans

[lauralh]

This was going to be a comment in Jim's journal but I figured what the hell.

So I really don't think that "a kiss is just a kiss." I mean, to a certain extent I do, but I try to make it a rule not to kiss someone unless I actually want to sleep with them. And I don't mean in the "gee it would be nice to sleep with them" sense, I mean in the "I'm going to kiss them and it will lead to foreplay and it will lead to sex" sense.

The questions to me felt like a real sort of platonic-friends-leading-up-to-more thing. Like, you know, you watch TV with someone and then one day, oops, you kiss. Which I think is acceptable for people who are in high school and college, but at age 25 I don't want to fucking deal with that kind of ambiguity. You either want to be my friend or you want more. Either put out or shut up.

(SERIOUSLY what is up with guys over the age of 25 who won't make a goddamn move on a girl they're into? Can anyone tell me?)

Comments

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I think you got a different vibe out of it than the one I was intending to put into it. It was more about where, or whether, you feel the need to draw a line between "casual sex" and "relationship" than between "friends" or "more than friends."

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

For me, the line is more "do we go out on dates or not" than the other stuff.

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

for me its "are we fucking other people?"

[heraclitus.livejournal.com]

My excuse is that I'm an unabashed coward in the sexual arena, and more generally, a melancholic towards life.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

THAT TOO

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

So consider it a question of "at what point do you feel the need to stop long enough to talk about whether or not you're fucking other people?"

... fuck, that's pretty much the way I WAS considering the question. You guys are the ones that managed to get "omfg aer we moer tahn friends?!?!?!" out of it... generally, I tend to assume that if my tongue's in a girl's mouth, it's safe to say we're not "strictly platonic."

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

as soon as i feel that i don't want to see other people anymore, i bring it up.

this isn't rocket science. if they aren't interested, fuck them.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Right. If I care, I'll bring it up. The point can come anywhere from after the first kiss to after a month of sexx0r.

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

I tend to go with the whole depends-on-the-situation deal, but I tend to allow for the probability of a one-night sort of thing. Why? Well, out of the 18 guys I've slept with, seven have been one-nighters (though, I expect this to change -- sorry, I just added you to the filter; when I made it, I omitted you for reasons unknown, and I finally realized tonight that you weren't on the filter... I wish you had been earlier, since I probably would have benefited from your input).

Another seven were four-month-or-less relationships. I've only had two relationships last longer in time: my first, and my soon-to-be-most-recent. Personally, sometimes only sex tells. Or, maybe, the "morning after" does. I don't know. But I do appreciate the guiltless, no-strings fuck. If it looks like it will be more, communication will follow the potential ensuing exchange of numbers. But that could just be me.

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

It's me too; post to follow.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

(SERIOUSLY what is up with guys over the age of 25 who won't make a goddamn move on a girl they're into? Can anyone tell me?)

You of all people ought to know that the answer is "fear of ladder-jumping."

(Which still doesn't have shit from shinola to do with my poll, which was about at what point you either assume or start discussing something beyond "randomness" to your affairs.)

[krikket.livejournal.com]

(SERIOUSLY what is up with guys over the age of 25 who won't make a goddamn move on a girl they're into? Can anyone tell me?)

Depends on the "girl they're into". I know I've held back in a few cases because I don't want to come off as "the dirty old man". So I wait to get some kind of signal in return.

IE: I allow my interest to show through things like body language. If I don't see a similar reaction, I stop right there depending on the situation.

As for the kiss, I look at it the same way. But then again I'm a slut. (Using the definitions in the book, "The Ethical Slut".) I also have been known to have some passionate relationships with everything but actual intercourse/oral sex. (Her choice, but I was okay with it.)

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

in the interest of equity, what's up with girls who won't make a goddamn move on a guy they're into?

this is strictly heresay

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

Girls never make moves on guys they're into. Well, unless they're drunk.

But seriously, what consists of a move that a guy will actually NOTICE and think "ooh, maybe that means she's interested?"

Re: this is strictly heresay

[billyfleetwood.livejournal.com]

there's tons of telltale "moves" that guys will notice, like, standing in front of him in line at the bank, walking past a construction site, taking off your jacket indoors...

but to answer your initial question...there's two types of guys, fishermen, and hunters. fishermen cast out their line and wait for a bite, and hunters shoot at everything that moves. If you think a guy is definitely interested, but he's not making a "move" he's prolly a fisherman, he's waiting for some sign that you're nibbling on his bait, so to speak. The bigger he thinks the fish is, the bigger the tug he's waiting for as a sign to start reeling in his line. In other words, the more he's built the girl up in his mind, the more he's looking for some "definite" sign that she's not gonna eat his bait and then swim off to get caught by some other fisherman. Or shot by a drunken hunter who's gotten bored and wandered down to the lake firing shotgun blasts into the water for shits and giggles.

But mostly fisherman are content to sit around drinking with the guys and telling stories about the one that got away.

damn fishermen

[herbaliser.livejournal.com]

See I would have thought "giving a guy a phone number" would be a definite sign but apparently men have trouble punching numbers or something.